Have you ever felt something is amiss before? That the day just does not function right without a certain someone.

Have you ever felt a certain emptiness and longing, so much so that your heart aches and you just want to sleep it over?

Have you ever felt that a certain voice is missing out for a while and just wants the days to pass over as soon as possible?

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Anyway, back to the more tangible details. This whole holiday has left me pondering and thinking. So many things to see, so many things to say.

Who is genuine, who is sincere, who is true, who is real. All these details, you can’t ever escape away from.

Time will tell, situations in life will tell.

A common saying is that life is a stage, and we are all but actors on it. All thanks to Shakespeare of course, such awesome literature.

Speaking of literature, I’m still pondering whether to switch over to Sociology or stay faithful to Literature no matter how historyish the modules appear to be.

That aside, as much as the saying holds true, no matter how many layers of masks you put on as an acclaimed actor/actress, the layers will give way as soon as the situation permits and succumbs to changes. It’s akin to actors and actresses having to react to sudden changes on stage, changes in backlighting or sound or whatsoever.

I’ve seen however much I could these past few months. I’ve felt many emotions ranging from relief to anger to hatred to bitterness to resentment to realisation to understanding to tolerance.

I’m doing what I can do to salvage the situation, or to lessen the damages and consequences arising from the situation. Yet, certain things just do not stop me from feeling such disappointment in others, and bewilderment in my own misjudgement. It’s like the same scenerio from a certain real life situation, the kidnapper kidnaps the victim and victim develops feelings for the kidnapper after a long period of time. The only thing that differs from that scenerio is that the victim does not come to a realization and is forever trapped in darkness, no light at all. Not even a mere beacon of light. Probably I’m considered lucky in this sense, but of course others may say it’s best not to realise and know certain things at all. So many years of existence, and you only realise it today. How would you feel? Probably a rebirth, probably disgust?

It can work both ways too. Disgust and a sense of relief or something. Either way, things happen for a reason and changes are there for a reason too. It’s how individuals cope with it and see from which perspective. I’m thankful for being thrown into such overwhelming light of realisation, it’s like a blinding light at the end of a very long and dark and twisted tunnel. So ever twisted. The most twisted tunnel ever.