It’s frustrating how life is so uncertain.
You try to hold onto meanings, to people, to possibilities.
But everytime you do that, you break the string that you are holding on, you break your own heart.
You scream at yourself, at your own naivety/optimism, that one day you can be the core of his heart.
You look down on yourself, at how noone really loves you, at least noone daring enough to, and you question your worth.
You try so much to hold onto the here and now, because you never know what’s going to happen.
You can never know the next split second’s worth.
You try to hold onto dear people, people whom you want to treasure, people who can be your significant other.
You want to know the future, because then there’s comfort in security.
You regret growing up so fast because you just miss all the simplicity and certainty in the past.
P.S. A Little Story, From me
A lady grows to love a man, she couldn’t explain why. Why do I love him, she says, Well I love him, because he’s him!
The lady smiles widely everytime she says that to everyone who knows and asks her.
The man is a fine man, he appreciates the lady’s love for him. He smiles everytime when he’s with her.
The lady loves all she has with the man, from holding hands to walking under the rain to the clasping of hands in a crowded area.
She loves it more when she hugs him and he hugs back, when she makes love to him in cosy blankets and he makes love to her back.
One fine day, on a lazy lovely day in bed, the man whispers to the lady, Actually, you’ve always been a shadow of her.
Just that, I didn’t tell you that, until now, he says. The lady had a thought that echoed so loud in her, You’ve always been a shadow, you’re not her, you can never be her.
She looked at him for the longest time, and screamed the fuck out of herself.
She ran away so fast that the man thought that she probably had only existed in his mind all along.
At night, the lady made herself disappear in the shadows of the dark.