It’s frustrating how life is so uncertain.

You try to hold onto meanings, to people, to possibilities.

But everytime you do that, you break the string that you are holding on, you break your own heart.

You scream at yourself, at your own naivety/optimism, that one day you can be the core of his heart.

You look down on yourself, at how noone really loves you, at least noone daring enough to, and you question your worth.

You try so much to hold onto the here and now, because you never know what’s going to happen.

You can never know the next split second’s worth.

You try to hold onto dear people, people whom you want to treasure, people who can be your significant other.

You want to know the future, because then there’s comfort in security.

You regret growing up so fast because you just miss all the simplicity and certainty in the past.

P.S. A Little Story, From me

A lady grows to love a man, she couldn’t explain why. Why do I love him, she says, Well I love him, because he’s him!

The lady smiles widely everytime she says that to everyone who knows and asks her.

The man is a fine man, he appreciates the lady’s love for him. He smiles everytime when he’s with her.

The lady loves all she has with the man, from holding hands to walking under the rain to the clasping of hands in a crowded area.

She loves it more when she hugs him and he hugs back, when she makes love to him in cosy blankets and he makes love to her back.

One fine day, on a lazy lovely day in bed, the man whispers to the lady, Actually, you’ve always been a shadow of her.

Just that, I didn’t tell you that, until now, he says. The lady had a thought that echoed so loud in her, You’ve always been a shadow, you’re not her, you can never be her.

She looked at him for the longest time, and screamed the fuck out of herself.

She ran away so fast that the man thought that she probably had only existed in his mind all along.

At night, the lady made herself disappear in the shadows of the dark.

©

Hmm…I don’t know how to think of you, what to think of you anymore…

Day by day, you’re faltering away, like smoke meets water.

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But the still heartening thing is, I can still remember fragments of those little things you did in the little days of happiness.

And that reminds me of you, the totality of you.

The night comes by too fast, it feeds on your own uncertainties.

The day is too hazy, so many routine activities it blurs you.

Then night comes by again, and this cycle continues.

Wish I could undo all my days and reside in nature.

(Inspired by AY)

Can’t nobody do it like you

Say every little thing you do

Say it stays on my mind

And I’m, officially missing you

I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say,

Safe to say, that I’m

Officially missing you

All I hear is raindrops,

Falling on the rooftop…

(I am too vulnerable. You cannot hurt me. You can only love.)

Oh, they don’t know. That people dearest to you cut across your fucked-up heart effortlessly. What do you do, then? You believe in the things you believe in, always, and prove them wrong, as they have always been.

…It’s heartening how I didn’t expect myself to have some heart…for you.

It’s so nice to chance upon this Beautiful Mess, look at the lyrics, they’re speaking.

Based on your body language, your shoddy cursive I’ve been reading
Your style is quite selective though your mind is rather reckless

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
‘Cause here we are, here we are
Although you are biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they’re quick and probably have to do with your insecurities
There’s no shame in being crazy, depending on how you take these
Words that paraphrasing this relationship were staging
And its a beautiful mess, yes it is

‘Cause here, here we are

Here we are,
We're still here

And through timeless words and priceless pictures
Well fly like birds not of this earth
And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that’s no concern when we’re wounded together

Hmm, piece all these together, and you get the answer.

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“When I look in your eyes I can see that you want to be with me but you're so scared
And I don't know what to say or do
But the tears keep falling from your eyes”