heart on wings

{Wednesday, April 01, 2009}


I think I'm besotted with children. I can connect well with little kids, especially boys. But no, I'm not a paedophile teehee. Just a convert from lifesaving to service-learning. Well, I guess I'm the only one who switches CCA suddenly in J2 and I felt initially like a fish out of the ocean. Haha. Now I guess not, maybe a little. But I still miss my life-saving buddies, miss crapping and dissing with them. And it was so weird initially, looking at my lifesaving buddies and realizing I'm no longer supposed to be with them. Awkward and weird. Oh well. When you decide to cross another path, you'll have to stick with it and move on and appreciate the new goods and bads.

The little kids and what they do warm my heart, and I can remember the little cute awesome things they can do to make me laugh and laugh and laugh...

A hyperactive boy in St. Stephen's whom I thought had that hyperactive disorder with the dirty face and crazy expressions but he was just another fun-loving boy who hates doing schoolwork but is actually smart. The first tough boy I thought (but I still think no kids are really that evil-bad) and I felt so fulfilled when I managed to get him to finish his homework and ace his spelling!!! Initially he was like, "Die, violence, death, infinity!!" and he was crushing paper and doodling and messing his hands with pencil and refused to write properly. After much persistence, he was more of receptive to me and following sessions onwards, he wanted me to mentor him! Touching man. But now the bonding is lost as our attachment with the school just ended and I still miss him and another cute boy who said, "Are you screw-pid or stupid?" And I said "I'm Cupid", and then he went to say "Nooo!!!" and went on hiding under the chair as he says he's scared of 'cupid', he says he prefer monsters/aliens. Haha, he has dimples too which just makes him cuter. Omg.

Then now at the family service centre another boy is also rather attached to me and I like how he's drama and all and his funny voice and his weird and funny tendency to call me, "Candy" and 'order' me around. He says he cannot pronounce my name so he makes up another name for me. Haha. Damn cute and his voice projections are really funny. He says when he drinks water, it goes up in %s to his head. =) Got happily dissed by the kids since it's April Fool's (in school it is not being reminded of and I miss it I remember some guy threw a fake big cockcroach on my school table in the earlier happy days) Oh and I remember another boy in St. Stephen's who says "pretty please" to me when he wants to ask me questions and their pure belief in their faith. I love their innocence and their ability to think of real fantasy and their creativity. Though it's weird that the boys think I have a boyfriend in school, haha. And they should try to cut down on their violent tendencies. =) Got so many more egs about their cuteness but I think it'll just flood this.


Just feel rather sentimental about this so I'll just post about the memories. Well, I certainly miss all the good water times like learning life-saving 1, 2, and 3, surviving in the 1.8m water, learning how to tow my victim, playing and splashing around, towing some of the guys?? still can't believe it, haha, getting 'saved' when cramping in the middle of the pool, going to karaokes and dinner till late and taking the train late, all the talking and dissing, learning CPR with the mannequins, practising rescue positions with one another, talking and dissing with the different coaches...oh well. A sprinkle of disappointment in my heart as I type this, but I certainly won't miss the sun-tanning, freezing water, and swimming that took a toll on me, but I'm missing you guys! Haha and Xinyi, my victim, Janice and Maria.

P.S. I think I gave myself a little holiday right after the march block test, went to cut-layer my hair straight after math paper and I'm really liking the fact that it's still abit curly, went to swim on my own after it's been so long since I swam, went to Jurong East swimming complex the one like a mini wild wild wet and had a relaxing great natural fun time with Roz and actually enjoying the sun, went out with Alwina just walking around in the malls and talking and buying some little stuffs, wanted a book spree initially but ended up only buying a book, went out to Esplanade to see The Winter's Tale since it's a rare thing they sponsor for us, went out till late and went out on 3 consecutive days and got damn tired, skipped school on Monday, headache and neckache and a bit of insomnia and got quite sick yesterday, a bit of stomach upset. In between, ferociously reading The Time Traveller's Wife and it's the first book that I'm so hooked to it, Twilight and its series is kinda stupid now. And now, I'm having trouble with the school thing.
I've actually almost wanted to give up, but I realised it's silly and too late to.

From the book:
Love after love-
...You will love the stranger who was your self.
...Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart.
......Why is love intensified by absence? Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship. Now I wait for Henry. He vanishes unwillingly, without warning. I wait for him. Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where I cannot follow?
...How does it feel? How does it feel? ...I hate to be where she is, when she is not. And yet, I am always going, and she cannot follow.


Just the beginning of the book...And I've decided not to lend books anymore because I want to treat them more sacredly and also I don't want to get returned by the end of the day not being able to recognise my own books. And won't it be nice to know your soulmate when you're six, even if he is rather elusive yet you know him all your life and he loves you with all his heart, forever and always? But this would never happen in real life, haha.

7:53 PM;

be with myself

Affirmation

cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
sincerity..
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center

clarity


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.

peace

Independence
Health
Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons
Love
Faith
Happiness

serenity.


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles

.::.

Cousin
amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


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Images: Foto decadent, deviantart.
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