I did a terrible thing today. The constricted feeling in me overwhelmed me and caused me to flare up when my mom threatened to not let me buy a new ipod as my ipod mini died a sad face the first time I dropped it a week ago. I felt prejudiced; when my brother wanted to buy a tv, they immediately bought it for him. Have been harping on the ipod for a week now. So I felt so restrained being cooped up in the house all the time, I grabbed any pieces of clothing and my bag and off I flew out of the house without looking back. Oh, I made my mom pissed off more when I took cash from them. Became a bad girl, a bitch. My mom is correct though. I'm a bitch who does not have a habit of saving money because I have no weekly allowance or whatnot. Just-so-used-to-taking-money-from-parents-when-i-need-it bitch.
I felt scared once I went out of the house though. Didn't know where to go, what to do. A lost soul. Drifted to Tampines Mall and Century Square and sensed many wandering souls like me. Hoped to see someone but didn't. Felt so foolish. Must remind self that I'm not in a Korean Love Drama or whatnot. Saw some ex-dunmanites though. Wanted so badly to buy something at every shop, wanted so badly to go shopping but something in me didn't want to disappoint my parents too much. Just bought a dictionary and went home after drifting like a ghost.
Feeling rather relieved though and I guess it's the window shopping and temporary feeling of being carefree and independent...but the loneliness still looms ahead and guilt threatens.