heart on wings

{Wednesday, October 18, 2006}

I faced the reality. Today is the 3rd day of Doom/Realization Day. I'm trying very hard to overcome those weak and depressing feelings. Trying very hard to. Yet sometimes, I think that I am not capable, sometimes to the extent that I feel so useless and helpless. I haven't gotten back all my papers, but so far I've gotten back English, Chinese, E Maths, A Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, History...okay, almost all the papers. I'm very disappointed with my Science subjects. I just passed Chemistry and Physics and the total grades for the two subjects is 12. So now I'm debating with myself whether or not I should continue doing Triple Sciences, since the teacher in the beginning of the year already said that those people whose grades is more than 10 for Chemistry and Physics should seriously reconsider continuing Triple Sciences; they should do Combined Sciences instead. And currently, the Head of Science teacher is thinking of opening up a class that includes Double Sciences, so if those people wants to drop either Physics or Chemistry, they can do so.

So it puts me back to Square One. I'm in a dilemma, exactly the same dilemma as last year, although this year's a more complicated one. Last year was just choosing whether to go for Triple Sciences or Combined Sciences, but this year is to choose to continue Triple Sciences/go to Combined Sciences/go to Double Sciences. Sigh, I really dunno what to do. It would seem like a total waste to stop studying for Triple Sciences as I have been studying it for a year already and I already bought all the assessment books. However, I would not want to go to a Science stream next time in the JC, so what for continuing Triple Science and torture myself? However, there's the option, to drop either Physics or Chemistry to make my life easier. But then again, I would not want to go to a Science stream next time. But, like they say, going to the arts stream would make my future bleak. Because students in the arts stream do not have as much opportunities as students in the science stream, hence lesser job options and lower salary. But then again, I won't be happy in the Science stream, for it's not my interest nor passion. I lurve Literature, I lurve English, I lurve the performing arts and the humanities, anything about humans/social things. I talked with my mom about it and her reply is always, "Arts stream? Lousy. Not good future, low pay, few job options. You won't be able to survive."

Why must the society place so much emphasis on the SCIENCES and the MATHS and ignore the ARTS and the LANGUAGES? Is life all about researching, inventing, creating formulas and scientific stuffs? What about the language, novels, drama, and social stuffs? Why must they not care so much about the ARTS and the LANGUAGES? What's wrong? Are these subjects too negligible in life, insignificant to life? No meaning to life? No impact to life? Hello? Without the ARTS and the LANGUAGES, there will be no books, no movies, no stories. Life would be literally dead, full of machines and maths formulas, devoid of the humane feel. It's not fair that they place so much emphasis on the SCIENCES and the MATHS, so much so that those students who are inclined/interested in the ARTS and the LANGUAGES have a greater disadvantage as they have fewer job options and lower pay. The society should open its understated eye and look more into the ARTS and the LANGUAGES. I feel that the ARTS and the LANGUAGES is a reflection of life, and enhances creativity and a feeling of being alive. So it's definitely not negligible in life, it's as important as the MATHS and the SCIENCES.

I get so pissed whenever my mom tell me that I'm useless if I wanna go to the Arts stream next time. She just doesn't respect my decision nor my ambitions. It sucks to not have support from your own parents, it adds more discouragement. It's my life, why can't I do what I like? What must I follow the society and do all those supposedly high-ranking and paying jobs like being lawyers, doctors, etc? I shall prove to my mom, the society, everybody that the ARTS and the LANGUAGES ain't boring/useless/insignificant. I shall work extremely hard to pursue my passion in the ARTS and the LANGUAGES and become successful in life.

Back to the dilemma. Okay, I shall stop thinking about it first, and see what the teacher says tomorrow. She would be telling us more about the Double Sciences idea, since majority of the Triple Science students did badly in the sciences, especially Chemistry and Physics. And consider the Combined Sciences option too.

8:47 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


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Credits: momotea, larafairie.
Images: Foto decadent, deviantart.
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