heart on wings

{Monday, October 16, 2006}

Okay...I was mentally prepared for today when I woke up and got ready for school. Today's the first day of Doom/Realization Day, where everyone will get back their fruits of labour. Of course, I was mentally prepared and didn't manage to cry over split milk.

It did not even seem like a normal school day, no lessons, only mass checking of Chemistry and Chinese. After that, the teachers let us have our own free time, and they even let us watch movie (Spiderman), play computer, talk among ourselves and walk walk around the school. Weird.

I was quite discouraged and felt blank and empty after I got back my Chemistry paper. I barely passed with a 50, which is a C6. Oh well, I should feel thankful that I passed, but then again. Who won't want flying colours, in preparation for O Levels? And, seeing that other people who got way higher marks than me look so discouraged and sad, I feel like killing myself. Starving myself till I die from fatique and become a double size 0 corpse. Luckily I was quite contented with my Chinese paper. I got a B4, which is an okay grade, since I got a B4 for the 2nd Common Test too.

I need to do something about my weight. Motivation to lose 5kg will be from the End-of-Year examinations results and my fat body and my mixed-up-frayed-haywire emotions flooding me and many many things. I need those to motivate me. Gym is my good buddy now.

Do you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number, I cannot get through
You don't hear me and I don't understand
When I reach out, I don't find your hand
Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all that precious time, but I still feel so in between

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out, you could always change your mind
Like a fairytale, where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes, have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize, it's just what might have been

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while you're sleeping after all...

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

You don't see me, you don't feel me
Like I feel you.

Let the emaciation begin.

6:58 PM;

be with myself

Affirmation

cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
sincerity..
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center

clarity


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.

peace

Independence
Health
Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons
Love
Faith
Happiness

serenity.


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles

.::.

Cousin
amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


.::.

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Credits: momotea, larafairie.
Images: Foto decadent, deviantart.
Since 31st March'06
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