Okay...I was mentally prepared for today when I woke up and got ready for school. Today's the first day of Doom/Realization Day, where everyone will get back their fruits of labour. Of course, I was mentally prepared and didn't manage to cry over split milk.
It did not even seem like a normal school day, no lessons, only mass checking of Chemistry and Chinese. After that, the teachers let us have our own free time, and they even let us watch movie (Spiderman), play computer, talk among ourselves and walk walk around the school. Weird.
I was quite discouraged and felt blank and empty after I got back my Chemistry paper. I barely passed with a 50, which is a C6. Oh well, I should feel thankful that I passed, but then again. Who won't want flying colours, in preparation for O Levels? And, seeing that other people who got way
higher marks than me look so discouraged and sad, I feel like killing myself. Starving myself till I die from fatique and become a double size 0 corpse. Luckily I was quite contented with my Chinese paper. I got a B4, which is an okay grade, since I got a B4 for the 2nd Common Test too.
I need to do something about my weight. Motivation to lose 5kg will be from the End-of-Year examinations results and my fat body and my mixed-up-frayed-haywire emotions flooding me and many many things. I need those to motivate me. Gym is my good buddy now.Do you see me Do you feel me like I feel you Call your number, I cannot get through You don't hear me and I don't understand When I reach out, I don't find your hand Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing And all that precious time, but I still feel so in between Someday, I'll just keep pretending That you'll stay Dreaming of a different ending I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad And I can't keep something that I never had I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time And if I wait it out, you could always change your mind Like a fairytale, where it works out in the end Can I close my eyes, have you lying here again Then I come back down Then I fade back inThen I realize, it's just what might have beenSomeday, I'll just keep pretending That you'll stay Dreaming of a different ending I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad And I can't keep something that I never had Am I a shadow on your wall Am I anything at all Anything to you Am I a secret that you keep Do you dream me while you're sleeping after all...Someday, I'll just keep pretending That you'll stay Dreaming of a different ending I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad And I can't keep something that I never had You don't see me, you don't feel me Like I feel you.
Let the emaciation begin.