heart on wings

{Saturday, October 28, 2006}

I guess I solved my dilemma just after spending 3 hours finishing reading Adam Khoo's awe-inspiring I am Gifted, So Are You book. I swear, the book is so captivating that you just go on finishing one chapter after another. So I felt kinda under the book's spell and just continued reading till I reached the end of the book. Lol, really. You must unleash the genius in you and everybody has the same brains, just how everybody uses it and hence different results are produced. And um, dare to dream real big and work yourself towards it by thinking positive and working real hard towards your goal by being excited that the goal will come true one day. Yeah, so I felt real great and enlightened after reading the book (my mom showed me the book in the morning) and I think I have made up my mind to continue with Triple Sciences. I mean, why not just lug it out to the end when you're already halfway through? Yeah, I believe I can do it. =)

Being ever so inspired and motivated to achieve my goals, I felt like achieving my health goal. Which is to burn 300 calories in a day. So off I went, to the gym. I started off with walking on the treadmill on the speed of 6 for 15 mins. Then, I ran on the treadmill for half an hour on the speed of 8-10. Finally, I walked on the treadmill again for a few mins. And yeah, I achieved my first 300 calories. I felt so so good. Like, "Yay baby! I'm so energized!" =) =) =)

Oh yeah, I figure this is going to be my last post until I come back from my vacation to China. Lol, imagine the huge pile of work waiting for me when I come back from my 9 day trip! Because of the extra lessons all Secondary 3s must attend. =( And I shall miss all of my friends and darlings and Mister Gurly and my bed and my house and my gym and my swimming pool and my shopping malls in Singapore! I guess there will not be any shopping in China, for we are going to the rural side of China. Lol, so my darlings, don't expect souvenirs from me unless you want the water from the lake or something, like what Amelin wants. Haha. But I'll try my best to do some shopping if I can, like if. Haha. I guess it will be a good trip for me, so I can admire all those sceneries and be a downtown girl for a while. I hope I will be able to see autumn leaves swaying in the air, finally falling to the ground. And I hope I will be able to see snowflakes falling onto my head, disguising themselves as dandruff. Lol, because the season there is like autumn and winter, I guess. Lol, and I hope I won't get too bored. But I know Pinky Winky is going to be a great companion to me. And I'm bringing a notebook with me, because I know I'm gonna miss blogging as well! So I'm gonna transfer all the writings in the notebook into this blog when I come back! I guess there will be pictures as well! Haha. And I'm also bringing The Devil Wears Prada, in case I get bored or something. Lol. Looking forward to escape the rat race in Singapore, and relish the simple life in China. =) Don't miss me, because I know you will. And badly too. =))

You took your love away
Too fast
Left no chance to say
Look Back
Now I know the truth
It makes it easier
Maybe when time goes by
I'll understand

Lets pretend that I moved on
Then I'll tell myself that life goes on without you
Open my eyes, look deep inside
I run away, I run away, I run away

You threw it all away
So blind
Pushed me far from you
In your life
And now I know the tears won't lead to loneliness
Baby when time goes by
I'll understand

Lets pretend that I moved on
Then I'll tell myself that life goes on without you
Open my eyes, look deep inside
I run away, I run away, I run away

I run away.

12:11 AM;

{Thursday, October 26, 2006}

Today's the last day of school and it has been a weird day. The guys played their games while we, the girls, watched the movie, Bring It On. Cheerleading and western school life seems more interesting and lively than boring school life here. Haha, although it seems to be tougher to survive there, with intimidating figures and all. Lol.

Evening time, my mom and I attended the Meet-The-Parents-Session. After attending it, I felt as though all the people siding with the Sciences path are pulling me apart, dragging me towards them. Man, I really felt like it! All the teachers I met in school all shook their heads and kept on asking me to think twice before making so fast a decision. Even the Principal went up to class earlier during the day to ask me to think twice and all...this is overwhelming! Imagine that you made a decision after thinking for so long, and then everybody goes against your decision, saying that you should reconsider and all.

During the Meet-The-Parents-Session, I received many responses. Mostly were bad. They go like this, "So fast wanna give up already? What a big waste." "Hello? You passed right? So why are you thinking of going to Combined Sciences??" "Next time you will have more opportunities you know..." "Are you crazy???" Some were exaggerated, lol. Okay, then some responses were more positive than the above ones. They go like, "I believe you have the potential to do well in Pure Sciences." "If you remain in the Triple Science, you will have 9 subjects and you may even be the first person to get 9 A1s!!!" What? Me? First person to get 9 A1s? Lol. What a big laugh. However, there were 2 teachers who said that to me and I was seriously flattered, like, "Huh? You think so highly of me??" Lol, seriously.

Sigh. So how now? Since so many people and teachers are asking me to continue with Triple Sciences, and that if you really really cannot cope next year, then drop Triple Science during the first 2 months of next year and all... oh my. Then if I choose to continue with Triple Sciences, won't the grades for Physics and Chemistry pull my L1R5 points down? Wait, I have 9 subjects, so maybe I don't include them in my L1R5...Lol. Okay, stop debating and let the wise advice of everybody flow through your dense brain right now.

11:12 PM;

{Wednesday, October 25, 2006}

I woke up late for school, oh well, for my brother's timing only. Dunno why he always wants to go to school so early, oh yeah, I forgot, because his school starts earlier. Lol. So I freaked out and was ready in less than half an hour. School's become a bore, without teachers, without anything to do except to fold paper cranes. I looked forward to the end of school and I went to Pizza Hut with Cindy, Xiao Ting and Amelin. I felt so guilty after having lunch with them, and went home.

Surprisingly, when I reached home, I found something foreign sitting on the parquet flooring of my bedroom. A weighing machine! Wow, after months of nagging and asking my mom to buy me a weighing machine, she finally did! Yay, I can watch my weight now. So I felt motivated and off I went, to the gym. I ran and ran, for half an hour as usual, and burned 239 calories. Then suddenly, heavy downpour of rain and I was kinda trapped inside the gym. So it was a good excuse to walk on the treadmill for 5 mins and burned 21 calories. So in the end, 261 calories burned. What a great achievement! Way to go!!! Lol. It's the most number of calories burned ever and I hope that in the long run, I'll be able to burn 300 calories in a day. The more calories burned, the better. Yay, although I dunno exactly how much calories I should burn in a day.

When I went back home, I weighed myself and surprisingly, my weight went down by 2 kgs. Wow, 3 more kgs to lose in order to have my ideal weight of 42! Yay, way to go, princess.

Tomorrow's the last day of school, and I'm having mixed feelings. Suddenly, it's the last day of school tomorrow. Time is uncontrollable, to the extent that it passes way too fast. And next year is going to be a very crucial year, the last year of secondary school, moving on to junior college. Wow, and soon in a moment, I'm going to find myself being 18 years old and so on... this is overwhelming! Can't time be lazy and stop for a moment? Lol. This year's been a tough year, with lots of ups and downs. Many tears have been shed, many heartbreaking moments; yet there were also many joyous events and smiles and encouragement. I really thank all those friends who have been able to encourage me when I was down, and to cheer me up by doing all those silly but cute stunts and go through the tough journey of Secondary 3 together...I really do not know how I will be able to survive without all of you friends out there! Another thing to reflect on is, I seem to have been working non-stop since this year, struggling to get good grades and all. And everybody in class seems to be doing that too, and hence everybody doesn't talk to everybody. Sigh, I kinda miss lower secondary life, where silly guys brighten up my school days by being plain silly. Haha.

Oh well, many mixed feelings, that's all I can say. And I have submitted the form for Combined Sciences to the Principal; oh man, talking to her is like oh-my-goodness-this-is-freaking-me-and-I-wanna-get-out-of-here, and when I talked to her about how I wanna stay in the same class and not move out into another class because I fear I will not be able to adapt so fast to a new environment and so on, and then she kinda agreed (after thinking for a long while and debating with me) and said, "Hmm...up to you." Then suddenly, she bursts out laughing. Man, I swear I was shocked by her laughter, so weird and funny and unexpected. Haha, she's a rather nice Principal, because I guess she's okay to talk to. Lol. Okay, I'm gonna confirm that she really means what she said during the Meet-the-Parents-Session tomorrow because it seems as if she finds me rather funny and all and said it because she wants me to go out of her office? Lol.

Losing weight fills up the hole in my heart.

8:33 PM;

{Tuesday, October 24, 2006}

I woke up today, feeling numb and painful all over. It was due to 5 hours of heavenly ice-skating! But it was definitely worth it. =) Was looking forward to today, for today is the start of a shopping journey for me. It has been dunno-how-many-months of not being able to enjoy the feeling of carrying lotsa shopping bags, and walking all around the mall looking at gorgeous items on sale. And what with my mom accompanying me to buy my stuffs, my stuffs only! How splendid. She's my best shopping partner I can ever find, for I will not have to worry about the price tags on the items on sale. Haha. C'mon, don't morph into a naggy auntie and start harping me on saving instead of spending and lemme have my share of fun! =) Moreover, I have my reason to go shopping with my mom. My family and I are going on a vacation to China on the 28th of October, so we have to buy long-sleeved clothes and jeans to keep us happy and warm during the 9-day trip. I think we are going to the rural side of China to see sceneries and mountains and lakes and stuff and to appreciate the village and rural world. Lol, it seems pretty ironic for me to go there, but since my father insists on going to China and he's the one footing the bill for us, so we have to go. (Actually I didn't wanna go because I will have to miss holiday lessons and all, but then again, it's inconvenient to hire a taxi and ask my grandmother to come and take care of me. Lol.)

Since today is a one-day holiday, my father drove us to Tampines Mall and off we went, on our shopping hunt for clothes. First stop was Fox's, but then it was just window shopping and all because my mom said that the clothing there didn't look appropriate (but the clothes there is suitable for normal wear!) for our vacation. Sigh. 2nd stop was at B.U.M. Equipment, but the jeans there wasn't comfortable, due to my fat thighs. Lol. 3rd stop was at Hang Ten's, but the jeans wasn't comfortable too. 4th stop was at Giordano's, and bingo, I found my first pair of jeans. 5th and 6th stop was at U2 and Esprit, but they were fruitless stops. 7th stop was at Samuel&Kevin's, and I bought 2 long-sleeved tops. 8th stop was at Bossini, and I bought a long-sleeved top. 9th stop was at Isetan, and I found my 2nd pair of jeans. Yeah, I guess that's all I bought for today, excluding buying all those NTUC and Watsons' stuffs.

Yay, I'm feeling so happy, even though this is only the beginning of a shopping journey! Haha. The choosing of clothes and trying so many clothes in the dressing room is a thrill, what with your mom accompanying you and giving you opinions and all. Yay, how I wish I can do this everyday. But no, all the good things end too soon, and tomorrow is back to school. Lol.

I'm the King, I'm the Queen. Shopping King and Queen! Lol.

9:06 PM;

{Monday, October 23, 2006}

It seems like a few years since I've touched the keyboard, although I haven't touch it for a few days only. Lol. I do sound like one busy princess, and the busy-ness isn't anything to do with studies. Oh quit, I gave up after trying to be so hardworking by doing some assessment books. My brain is still fired up from the End-Of-Year examinations, and I guess I need a break before being hard on myself again in preparation for O Levels. This sounds a bit freaky to some, but hey, I must prove it to people, especially my mom, that going to the arts stream in Victoria Junior College is do-able. Back to the busy-ness. Been busy with many activities, so I shall update on my darling blog on what it missed these few days.

I cannot really remember, but I know it's a school day, with post-exam activities. (I can't believe I neglected my blog for 5 days!) Eh, haha. Lemme refresh my memories. Oh yeah! The post-exam activity was inter-class Captain's Ball competition. Yeah, so the whole class played against other classes. At the beginning, we were winning but due to some bad fengshui, we started to lose. Haha.

It was another school day with post-exam activities. Folding paper cranes for hungy and needy people! One paper crane= a bowl of rice. It was a fun time learning how to fold paper cranes, and it was something worth learning during the holidays (no, should be after-exam-days) and it was something crazy and fun to do. Crazy in the sense that I can fold paper cranes, even though I suck at origami. Haha. So everybody in the school started to fold paper cranes. I think there's enough to feed many needy mouths.

My relatives came over for the pool and gym again. Yay, good excuse to lose those evil fats. And again, I went with my uncle to the gym and started to work my butt out. Oh, by the way, I have started to gain a good habit of going to the gym daily for a half-hour walk on the treadmill at the speed of 6. Daphne says that it's a good way to lose weight, so I'm trying now. Anyway, we ran and ran. My stamina improved and I think I lost 229 cals. After the gym thing, my uncle and I caught up with the rest of the family for a swim. It was a fun time competing with my mom, whether who has a better stamina and swims the fastest. In the beginning, I won but I was so shagged and tired from the gym and swimming that I lost to her in the end. Damn, lol. By the time we stopped all activities, it was already evening. So we went to my grandma's (as usual), for dinner. Dinner was a feast yet again, and my brother ate like a pig, yet again. Haha, got to see my grandparents yet again. =)

My mom decided at the last minute that she wanna go to the Singapore Expo Metro Sale, so of course, my initial reaction was to go, "Yay!" However, my spirits were dampened when I entered the big building. There were so many people and so many items on sale, waiting to be taken off by the hooks, and the shopping spirit was there and all, but I couldn't find any items that were pleasing to my eye! Everything seemed so old and second-handed but after much pissing off from my mom and walking around the big building looking here and there for nice items, I finally bought 2 belts, a nail filer, and some lingerie. Lol, that was all I bought, and I know you will be surprised. Lol. Okay, but anyways, I bought something, and it was much better than buying nothing, because you'll look so off in the crowd carrying a big shopping bag with nothing inside, while people's bags are filled with many stuffs.

I went out with Xiao Qian, Puay Suan and Samuel today, for ice-skating. I was the only bird and I waited for Xiao Qian and Puay Suan for 10 minutes. When they came, I was naturally happy but then after waiting for 45 mins, we still didn't see any fragments of Samuel. We were close to freaking out, me frantically calling many people asking to check whether I got the correct contact number to call Samuel and calling his house number so many times and yet nobody answered. Seriously, that guy needs a handphone! We paced here and there at the platform, and goodness heavens, Puay Suan then suddenly shrieked, "That's Samuel!!!" Of course, after waiting for somebody for so long, your natural reaction was to shriek right? That's what I did, I think. I felt so pissed and relieved, because we were worried that he forgot/overslept and we were pissed because we couldn't contact him! Lol. But we were relieved when he finally came, because we, the deprived-of-fun peeps, were looking oh so forward to ice-skating!!!

Samuel is in love with Uno. Immediately after we saw him, we jumped into the MRT and he immediately took out his Uno cards. I guess we are the first ones to be seen by many people, sitting down on the floor and playing Uno cards, on the MRT. Lol, it sounds so kuku. The train ride was naturally long, but it became short due to Uno and Talk. Haha. Finally, we reached the ice-skating place. We first decided to have lunch at KFC (Calorie attack!) before going to the ice-skating rink. After a long lunch, we checked in.

The atmosphere was cold and icy, yet it felt warm and fuzzy. That kinda weird but nice feeling. The familiar surroundings again, however there were lesser people and the rink felt bigger and it stood out, its icy Snow-white exterior with graceful and clumsy people standing on it. Lol. After all the tying and putting all things into the locker, we finally entered the rink. Samuel, Xiao Qian and I suddenly forgot how to skate on the ice for a few moments after standing weirdly on the ice and wobbling here and there, holding onto the railings. I was the first to recover and I was able to skate again. =) It was Puay Suan's first time, so I was glad to be her teacher. =) Haha. It was fun 'teaching' her because you have the passion for ice-skating and you are like teaching her how to have the passion for ice-skating. She's a really fast learner, but she protests that because she has a good teacher. Lol. Samuel was the 2nd to recover and he likes to skate fast. Fast enough for me to ask him to slow down. Lol. Xiao Qian, loves the railing, because she like to hang onto the railing. But I think she kinda knows how to ice-skate, due to my being a 'good teacher'and best friend, instead of the railing. Haha. In the beginning, we skated in pairs, and I taught Puay Suan while Samuel taught Xiao Qian. Then, we skated slowly and then skated together slowly. By the time, everybody was kinda getting the hang of it (but Xiao Qian still prefers the railing) and then we skated in pairs again, but this time faster. After 2 hours, we rested for about 10 mins before going into the rink again. We talked and talked and talked, and gazed and gaped and goshed at those fabulous figure skaters. Then we went into the rink again and Samuel and I wanted to try to skate fast fast, abandoning the poor two. Lol, then he really skated very fast; I kept asking him to stop. The poor two were resting and they kept on saying how fast we went. Haha, they should try the dangerously fast but cool feeling. So we exchanged partners and I skated with Puay Suan, then Xiao Qian. They didn't wanna go fast, but moderately fast. Lol, lots of wobbling and trembling of hands were involved and when they almost fell, I balanced them. Yay! =) We did many things in the rink, skating hand in hand with one another, skating alone, having a mini skating competition, and trying out the choo-choo train thing but failed. Lol. It's SO FUN!!! Haha. I sure do sound like one deprived child. But of course must say it's fun, because we skated for 5 hours in the rink! Painfully fun. I hate the taking-off-the-skates feeling. It's like your feet is painfully killing you.

This seriously seems like a very long post so I guess I shall stop all my long-winded descriptions. But there's so much to describe about today! I simply lurve ice-skating! Oh and we got to witness 2 birthday dedications! Oh, the cute and tiny bubbles that look like real snowflakes and the sweet and heart-warming birthday song again! Haha, and ice-skating is really fun, I say again! All those wobbling and trembling and falling is really worth it! Because what you get in the end is the wow-ness of being able to skate on the ice fast and free. Woohooooooo, yeah, like this feeling.

This freaking long post is hard to edit, so pardon my grammar/punctuation/spelling errors! So this long long long post compensated me neglecting my blog due to "busy-ness". Haha. Okay, anyway, I've got a dilemma a few days ago and I think I've solved it. The solution is, to go to Combined Science. But I hope that they won't want to change classes because I can't just adapt so fast to the environment, and next year is an extremely crucial year. I chose the option is because I jolly well know that I won't go to a Science stream next time, and also to concentrate on other subjects too. This post is seriously too long. This post shall end here now. Lol.


8:20 PM;

{Wednesday, October 18, 2006}

I faced the reality. Today is the 3rd day of Doom/Realization Day. I'm trying very hard to overcome those weak and depressing feelings. Trying very hard to. Yet sometimes, I think that I am not capable, sometimes to the extent that I feel so useless and helpless. I haven't gotten back all my papers, but so far I've gotten back English, Chinese, E Maths, A Maths, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, History...okay, almost all the papers. I'm very disappointed with my Science subjects. I just passed Chemistry and Physics and the total grades for the two subjects is 12. So now I'm debating with myself whether or not I should continue doing Triple Sciences, since the teacher in the beginning of the year already said that those people whose grades is more than 10 for Chemistry and Physics should seriously reconsider continuing Triple Sciences; they should do Combined Sciences instead. And currently, the Head of Science teacher is thinking of opening up a class that includes Double Sciences, so if those people wants to drop either Physics or Chemistry, they can do so.

So it puts me back to Square One. I'm in a dilemma, exactly the same dilemma as last year, although this year's a more complicated one. Last year was just choosing whether to go for Triple Sciences or Combined Sciences, but this year is to choose to continue Triple Sciences/go to Combined Sciences/go to Double Sciences. Sigh, I really dunno what to do. It would seem like a total waste to stop studying for Triple Sciences as I have been studying it for a year already and I already bought all the assessment books. However, I would not want to go to a Science stream next time in the JC, so what for continuing Triple Science and torture myself? However, there's the option, to drop either Physics or Chemistry to make my life easier. But then again, I would not want to go to a Science stream next time. But, like they say, going to the arts stream would make my future bleak. Because students in the arts stream do not have as much opportunities as students in the science stream, hence lesser job options and lower salary. But then again, I won't be happy in the Science stream, for it's not my interest nor passion. I lurve Literature, I lurve English, I lurve the performing arts and the humanities, anything about humans/social things. I talked with my mom about it and her reply is always, "Arts stream? Lousy. Not good future, low pay, few job options. You won't be able to survive."

Why must the society place so much emphasis on the SCIENCES and the MATHS and ignore the ARTS and the LANGUAGES? Is life all about researching, inventing, creating formulas and scientific stuffs? What about the language, novels, drama, and social stuffs? Why must they not care so much about the ARTS and the LANGUAGES? What's wrong? Are these subjects too negligible in life, insignificant to life? No meaning to life? No impact to life? Hello? Without the ARTS and the LANGUAGES, there will be no books, no movies, no stories. Life would be literally dead, full of machines and maths formulas, devoid of the humane feel. It's not fair that they place so much emphasis on the SCIENCES and the MATHS, so much so that those students who are inclined/interested in the ARTS and the LANGUAGES have a greater disadvantage as they have fewer job options and lower pay. The society should open its understated eye and look more into the ARTS and the LANGUAGES. I feel that the ARTS and the LANGUAGES is a reflection of life, and enhances creativity and a feeling of being alive. So it's definitely not negligible in life, it's as important as the MATHS and the SCIENCES.

I get so pissed whenever my mom tell me that I'm useless if I wanna go to the Arts stream next time. She just doesn't respect my decision nor my ambitions. It sucks to not have support from your own parents, it adds more discouragement. It's my life, why can't I do what I like? What must I follow the society and do all those supposedly high-ranking and paying jobs like being lawyers, doctors, etc? I shall prove to my mom, the society, everybody that the ARTS and the LANGUAGES ain't boring/useless/insignificant. I shall work extremely hard to pursue my passion in the ARTS and the LANGUAGES and become successful in life.

Back to the dilemma. Okay, I shall stop thinking about it first, and see what the teacher says tomorrow. She would be telling us more about the Double Sciences idea, since majority of the Triple Science students did badly in the sciences, especially Chemistry and Physics. And consider the Combined Sciences option too.

8:47 PM;

{Monday, October 16, 2006}

Okay...I was mentally prepared for today when I woke up and got ready for school. Today's the first day of Doom/Realization Day, where everyone will get back their fruits of labour. Of course, I was mentally prepared and didn't manage to cry over split milk.

It did not even seem like a normal school day, no lessons, only mass checking of Chemistry and Chinese. After that, the teachers let us have our own free time, and they even let us watch movie (Spiderman), play computer, talk among ourselves and walk walk around the school. Weird.

I was quite discouraged and felt blank and empty after I got back my Chemistry paper. I barely passed with a 50, which is a C6. Oh well, I should feel thankful that I passed, but then again. Who won't want flying colours, in preparation for O Levels? And, seeing that other people who got way higher marks than me look so discouraged and sad, I feel like killing myself. Starving myself till I die from fatique and become a double size 0 corpse. Luckily I was quite contented with my Chinese paper. I got a B4, which is an okay grade, since I got a B4 for the 2nd Common Test too.

I need to do something about my weight. Motivation to lose 5kg will be from the End-of-Year examinations results and my fat body and my mixed-up-frayed-haywire emotions flooding me and many many things. I need those to motivate me. Gym is my good buddy now.

Do you see me
Do you feel me like I feel you
Call your number, I cannot get through
You don't hear me and I don't understand
When I reach out, I don't find your hand
Were they wasted words and did they mean a thing
And all that precious time, but I still feel so in between

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

I keep telling myself, things can turn around with time
And if I wait it out, you could always change your mind
Like a fairytale, where it works out in the end
Can I close my eyes, have you lying here again
Then I come back down
Then I fade back in
Then I realize, it's just what might have been

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

Am I a shadow on your wall
Am I anything at all
Anything to you
Am I a secret that you keep
Do you dream me while you're sleeping after all...

Someday, I'll just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending
I wanna hold on, but it hurts so bad
And I can't keep something that I never had

You don't see me, you don't feel me
Like I feel you.

Let the emaciation begin.

6:58 PM;

{Sunday, October 15, 2006}

It's been more than a month since I went to my grandma's house...how much I missed her! When I entered my grandma's house, I was greeted enthusiastically by my grandpa. "Ling girl!" A bright smile illuminated his tanned face. "Ah gong!" Was my happy reply. Then I went into the kitchen. My beloved grandma was cleaning up the kitchen after her fantabulous cooking ended. "Ah ma!" I greeted her happily. "Ling oui!!!" She started to kiss my cheeks and hands and hugged me. I was showered with love. =))

As always, my grandma is a wonderful cook. Makes all the restaurants' dishes taste like normal dishes, really. Haha. And because many people came today, she cooked many ooh-la-la dishes. You know, my relatives came today, the same relatives as yesterday. Lil Justin was babysitted by my brother today in the afternoon; they played Xbox together and all. Lol.

My brother is a devourer. His plate is the serving of a giant, he claims it's because he missed my grandma's cooking badly and wants to make up for the loss of good good food. Lol. My grandma's has a weighing machine and you know what? My weight ain't lesser than last time. Damn, why can't I seem to lose any weight. It must have been the food cravings during the crazy mugging period, I guess. So I didn't eat as much as my brother, just a scoop of rice and a little of everything. It's also because I didn't feel like working out my painful teeth. Lol.

Okay, another thing added to my holiday plan would be to stay at my grandma's. I wanna live the life I used to live during my childhood days again. =) Oh, speaking of childhood, how I wish my only concern and worry would be whether my mummy would buy me that Barbie doll and nothing else. Lol. I really envy those lil kiddos running around and gazing at the world with their fresh faces and innocent eyes.

It's been a long time since I've written a poem. Since I have the wistful feeling, I shall think of one now.

Of mixed colours
Red, orange and yellow
Autumn leaves
Fallen and mellow
They lived their lives
Gained knowledge, became wise
But all through the years
They suffered and pined
Their loved ones
Were something they missed
As days came and went
Life to them was nothing but a mist.

Okay, I have a fetish for leaves and I find them rather interesting, hence the above poem. I know it sounds a bit weird, but the hidden moral of the poem is to treasure your loved ones; life is not just about gaining knowledge and success.

Wow, I sound so wise. Ahem.

9:32 PM;

{Saturday, October 14, 2006}

I seriously lurve how I can relax, relax and relax! =)))
What a big contrast as compared to the crazy mugging period.

There was no school on Friday, so I was able to enjoy my princess sleep. Except that I woke up straight after I've slept for 8 hours...-_- Lol. Then I got up and dilly-dallied. Lurved how I dilly-dallied. Slowly brushed teeth, slowly ate breakfast, slowly read newspaper, slowly tidied up my bedroom...all these slow motions made the clock hands move so fast that it was almost late morning. Haha. Then I surfed the Net, and went out with my mom for my dental appointment.

She accompanied me, but I had to sit on the train back to Tampines alone, for my thumbs up meeting as she had to go and post a letter or something. The dentist was saying, "Wow! Your teeth is becoming more beautiful now!" Lol. He's kinda hilarious, and isn't that kinda fierce and unfriendly dentist. "Did anyone notice your nicer teeth?" "Eh, NO." "Oh." Haha. Then the dentist said, "Now, I'm gonna make your teeth straight by tightening the wires. Now after exam, so never mind the pain yeah?" I nodded my head, and didn't know the consequences. After he was done with my teeth, he said, "Next year going on?" "Secondary 4." "Huh? I thought you're only Secondary 1, going on Secondary 2." I asked him why, then he said, "Coz' you look small to me." Lol, does that mean anything? Or is it just coz' I look young to him, or short to him? Lol.

Damn, after the braces, a few hours later, the my-teeth-feels-like-decayed-teeth kinda feeling came, again. Eeew. Eating is like a i-don't-look-forward-to-it thing now. But I guess it's only for a few days, but then again. Okay, after the appointment, I went for thumbs up gathering. We watched Princess Hours and it's kinda cute and nice and I like the title, Princess Hours. Lol. And the main actress's character is named Cai Jing. So close to my name; Lol. She's a rather cute and funny girl; she reminds me of Mia from Princess Diaries. The Korean version; Haha. It was a fun activity, watching together and all. After some serious watching, we went home.

Woke up today straight after 8 hours of sleep, AGAIN. Sigh, why can't my body just stay sleeping till noon? I guess it's been so used to 6-7 hours of sleep, due to the crazy mugging period. Okay, and I woke up feeling grouchy today. Because of my braces. My teeth felt so shaky and fragile (and it can move!) and I made sure I didn't fall, coz' maybe all my teeth will fall out. Not joking, really, my teeth is shaky and you-know-that-kinda-irritating-pain feeling. So I spent 5 mins brushing my teeth (ouch!) and another 10 mins eating my breakfast (dread). The whole morning was spent on reading magazines, tidying up my bedroom and trying to learn to play Winter Sonata: My Memory on my electone organ. I wanna take up electone lessons again, it's been 3 years since! And tada, I got the music scores from a website I've found on the Net! Yay. Okay, this is the link for those who know how to read music scores. http://www.geocities.com/evil_chocnut/ I know you people will love me for this. =) It has many nice songs and it's nice playing the music! I lurve the korean drama music, sooo nice! Although I spent quite long trying to get my hands to coordinate because I haven't touched the electone for like dunno how long and a piano score sheet is so much different then the electone score sheet.

But it was definitely worth it. I lurve the music! Then came noon, and my relatives came. Yay, how much I missed them! They came for swimming and gym-ing. Lol. My uncle and I went to the gym (yay!) and it's been ages since I stepped into the gym. I stopped exercising for a month, due again to the crazy mugging period. Because of that, I lost my stamina. After 15 mins, I started to feel tired. Damn, but I made myself move. Then I pressed the Slow Down button when the machine showed 25 mins. Was too tired to complete the 30 min run on the treadmill. Burned 223 cals and ran 4km+. But my uncle was kinda impressed, coz' I ran on the speed of 9. Lol. After going to the gym, we went swimming. Was kinda fun swimming with my cousins and uncle and auntie and mom. I missed swimming too, it's been ages ever since I swam. I didn't really get tanned this time round, luckily. I hate to get tanned! Lol. After that, we went out for dinner. Had nice conversations and great food, but I felt tired to work out my teeth.

I like the way I'm living my life now, uh huh uh huh.
Uh huh Uh huh UH HUH. =)))
Okay, what a lame tune. (Wait, it sounds a bit provocative.) (And wait, did you even hear a tune?)

Nothin' makes me more happy than to know
That I have such a close friend
To know that you're down for me is reassuring
It's the reason I'm always smilin'
And when I'm kickin' it with you
I have a lot fun with you
There's never any kind of pressure
Comin' from you
Trying to get me to do
Anything I'm not ready to
That's why I really like you
Da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da, da, da
You make me happy
Da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da, da, da Da, da, da, da, da
So very happy

Jojo: The Happy Song, dedicated to my beloved darlings.
I still remember how you gave me the strength to carry on during the crazy mugging period, and how you brightened up my day and cheered me up. To all my darlings! Lurve.

9:18 PM;

{Thursday, October 12, 2006}

It's a bit surprising realizing how all of a sudden, I'm not sitting on my chair and looking at all those piles of notes and textbooks. After like a month of crazy studying and being a near-perfect nerd, I'm desperately deprived! I've lost my freedom, the freedom to do whatever things I like. So from today onwards, I'm gonna treasure every single day, every single hour, and do the things I do! (See, I'm soooo deprived.)

Retail Therapy.
Reading storybooks.
Having girly fun.
Having family fun.

Writing poems.
Watching videos/movies.

Watching sunset at the beach.
Playing computer games.
Playing music.


These are some of the things I wanna do during the holidays. I know I stink of desperateness. C'mon, I make you study for morning till night for 30 days and see what will happen to you. Haha.

Time does really pass. Suddenly I'm sitting here and relaxing. A few days ago, (no, today), yeah today, I survived my last paper. Literature. And straight after, I changed into home clothes and went alone on the train to City Hall. This is seriously the first time I boarded the train myself, without anyone else accompanying me. It was a weird, new feeling. Okay, this may sound like a daily thing to some, but definitely not me. Okay, I sound like a pampered kid. Lol. And I met Cindy, Xiao Ting and Amelin at Marina Square without getting lost/disturbed. We spent the whole day at Marina Square, singing karaoke and window-shopping. It felt weird. It's like I was frantically putting pressure on the school table, writing like crazy and suddenly, I found myself singing, and window-shopping. Lol. It's like HUH? and WOW! Okay, this doesn't make sense.

Looking back on the long and arduous learning journey, many many things have happened and I have learnt many many things. Many tears have been shed and many emotions swirled. Many events unfolded and many setbacks too. And all of the above was due to the overload of work. Work work work. Teachers like to spice up our lives. And study study study. English Chinese E Maths A Maths Biology Chemistry Physics History Social Studies Literature. OVERWHELMING. Teaches always say study makes your future brighter, but will all the things we study be relevant to what we do in the future? Or is studying just a method of grading students? The first week of mugging, tension became my friend. It gave me sharp pains at my neck whenever I finish a paper. It's like damn. Loss of appetite at appropriate eating times happened too. And weird cravings countered it. Damn, I need to get a weighing machine and weigh my heavy self! During the weeks of mugging, I told myself. Okay, remember, the day will finally come where you can sit in front of the computer and type like mad, to make up for the many days not spent updating on my darling blog. And now, it's finally happening.

Damn, my fingers are like swollen due to the everyday grip of the blue pen. My brain, is dense now. Heavy with much knowledge. But I fear, that I may not do well for all the papers even though I studied real hard for them. It's just this little fear that I have, and you know, I have accurate sixth sense and I really fear getting back all my papers. I know this kinda feeling sucks and I know I should not have it, but it comes nibbling my heart and I can't ignore it. Aww, please don't make it come true. Lol.

I shall stop myself from thinking about all these and conjure up a holiday plan that includes all the activities and all the things I should do during this big holiday. YAY BABY, HOLIDAYS ARE COMING BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanna let you know, the hiatus is officially over. =))))))))))))))))))))))))

The korean drama music video above is very very ROMANTIC. So romantic, it's surreal. Oh yeah, add picking flowers and walking under trees with leaves falling to my holiday plan. I need some doses of romance. =)

I'm gonna make full use of the coming holidays so that I would not regret it next year. Next year! Damn, O Levels are coming. I need to enjoy as much as I can, and sadly, full blast ahead next year. I wanna do as many things as I can and I wanna learn many skills and I wanna do all sorts of crazy things!

Okay, I'm tired now, I need to recharge, because I woke up at 7am today when everyone else's is asleep, for my final Literature revision, and now, the stupid strain in my neck is hurting. Good night and many hugs and kissies! =)

9:58 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


mist swirl memories

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