heart on wings

{Tuesday, February 28, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I feel so honoured everytime I can leave school early and the security guard will open the gate for me and off I go. Yes, I left school early today because I have another dental appointment. This time is crucial, because I have just gotten my set of braces!

Should I rejoice, or should I moan?
This bracey thing has the good side and bad side of it, just like everything else.
The good thing is that I would have a perfect set of teeth after a few years.
The bad thing is that IT IS HURTING LIKE HELL NOW!

I wanna vent all my frustrations on this blog.

Not everyone needs braces, and everyone is curious on how the dentist does it.
I shall tell you then.
First, the kind dentist cleans your teeth, but only on the outer side. It needs to be cleaned because that part would not decay or whatever when the metallic 'jewels' are being glued there.
Yeah, that's the second thing the dentist will do.
After a few minutes, the 'jewels' are glued to your outer side of your teeth.
Then, the 'kind' dentist brings you the mirror and you 'admire' those bling-bling 'jewels'.
Then, the dentist takes out a few wire thingys and screws it to the metallic 'jewels', something like chaining it lah. You know, the choo-choo train method.
Finally, it's done.
The dentist again, asks you to 'admire' your beautiful teeth again.
I felt so weird lah, then when I walked out to my mother, she laughed because I was squeezing my lips together, so that nobody can see my braces.
My brother's reaction?
But then, I would have a perfect set of teeth.
Must remember.
And everyone would be jealous.
Including my brother.

I wonder how my friends and classmates would react tomorrow.
I hope their reactions would not be big.
And, I'm not gonna open my mouth tomorrow.
Not much.


9:30 PM;

{Sunday, February 26, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

My friends are real caring.
Just look at the long, meaningful messages in my royalle taggieboard.
I know they love me, but.
Whenever I feel really stressed up about school and all, I get really fed up and I force myself not to eat. My parents are quite pissed about this, I can tell, for they always tell me to eat more.
But, I don't feel like eating whenever I get depressed.
I feel better this way, but I will get gastric pain, so I restrict myself to only a few mouthfuls of food.
Am I anorexic or what.
Sigh, but I will be happier this way.
I will be happier, for I will lose weight.
And all my worries and sorrows will fade away.

Today after going to the gym, I burned 218 calories.
I dunno whether that's enough or not, but it's quite tiring for me.
But worth it. =)
So after I went to the gym, my brother and I were heading for the lift.
The lift opened and we went in.
My brother was about to close the door when suddenly, a thin boy about my age walked in.
Oh man, the lift door nearly banged into his minute size.
Luckily it did not, or else my brother would have to pay for it.
You know what, that guy pressed 9.
Penthouse leh.
If the door banged into him, I'd swear his bodyguards or whatever will come after us.
It's such a bliss for him to live in a penthouse.
So my brother and I were standing like two freaking idiots next to the superior millionaire kid.
I stared at him from head to toe, wondering what's so different between him and me.
However, there's no difference.
His attire was like the same as my brother.
No branded stuff or anything on his lanky frame.
But I just can't stand his sulky face when the door almost banged into him and I squealed real loudly. I know it's unprincessy-like to do that but you know, I always react like that in this kinda situations. That's me for you. =)
That superior, snotty, tiny-eyed guy, with his nose real high in the air.
What a snob.
I just hate this kinda people.
Makes me wanna be more superior than them.
Yes, I wanna be richer than that kid!
I wanna be, like Princess Mia!
Yes, I wanna live in a huge penthouse bigger than that kid's, and I want a jacuzzi and private swimming pool built on the rooftop garden there!
Although it defeats the purpose of the swimming pool just downstairs, but I hate the idea of sharing the pool with others. I want my own!
Downstairs would be like my house downstairs.
Except that it includes a huge garden with lovely blooming flowers and a beach nearby. =)
And yes, I wanna go to school in my private limo, which will look very stunning shiny silver, with a posh chauffeur wearing those men-in-black sunglasses!
And the chauffeur shall take my hand, kiss it, and off I go to school. =))
And yes, I shall have a huge bedroom consisting of the egg-shaped princessy bed I saw somewhere in Furniture Mall, a walk-in wardrobe with drawers and compartments that will slide open when I press the buttons of the remote control, a tall standing mirror, a big study table which can slide here and there, a cosy bay window which would be my music corner, and finally, a personal toilet with the sunken bathtub! Grossly fantastic!
And I shall have a bodyguard accompanying me when I go out of my house.
And I shall have my own mall. Branded and expensive stuff. Everything that pleases me.
And I shall have servants waiting on me.
The list goes on.
If anything like this happens, I would just need to forever be, Princess Cassie. =D


8:48 PM;

{Saturday, February 25, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

My dieting plan backfired horribly yesterday.
I ate my lunch real early, during recess time.
I went home and slept.
When I woke up, I felt real hungry.
Then suddenly, my stomach got an attack.
I felt real terrible, and my stomach was hurting badly.
My parents were out at that time, leaving my brother and me.
He didn't care about me, and continued playing with handphone.
Until he saw how painful I was, he called my parents.
My parents returned home and said that I deserved it.
They didn't know my condition was about to worsen.
I ate dinner, and barfed it all out.
I continued vomiting for 4 times.
They sent me to Changi Hospital.
To see doctor, because all clinics were closed then.
I almost fainted in the car.
Because my father was driving around, looking for a clinic that is open.
The doctor gave me a jab to stop the vomiting.

After half an hour, I was okay.
Went home and slept.
This morning when I woke up, it was already 11:30am.
I missed guitar lesson.
But went for literature.
Why must the dieting thingy backfire?
I wanna lose weight.


7:50 PM;

{Tuesday, February 21, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I have given up on desperately knowing the identities of the fake/real princes. =.=
I have totally let go of the enormous balloon filled up with questions and worries.
I don't care anymore.
I can live without those princes anyway.
Sure, they add life to my blog and taggieboard, and brighten up my day in thinking the princes may be someone I know, or even someone I like!
Lol. I am that naive. =)
Maybe, it would be better if I do not know their identities.
For they may be prankers.

*end topic with a princessy sigh*

To spice up this blog entry with enthusiasism, (did I spell correctly?) I shall list down the qualities of my ideal type of prince. This is to make those 'princes' feel inferior. Hehehe. This is what they deserve for letting me wait in anxiety, hoping that one day I shall know their identities. =D

My Fair Prince shall/shall be/have...

A charming prince in a shiny, royal outfit with a smile that could melt my heart entirely.
Eyes that could hynotise me and draw me away from the real world.
Lips that look kissable, sexy and alluring.
A loving personality, who loves me for who I am.
A good natured, kind soul who cares for me.
Protect me and give me a sense of security.
Shower me with hugs and kisses.
Have a good sense of humour.
Make me feel comfortable being with him.
An understanding person whom I can confide in.

Can I ever find all those qualities in a prince?
*end off prince topic with loud applause from ordinary peeps*

The princess feels the need to lose weight.
I better start eating less and working out more now!
Go lookie at my new target for this year, under "Desires". =)


7:16 PM;

{Monday, February 20, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

People keep asking me to change my blogskin. Why, though?
Because they are bored of the same, old, predictable, pinkish, princessy blog that is under me.
But I tell them incessantly I'm not gonna change it for them for I lurve this skin too much.
I remembered, I spent like 3-4 hours fixing up this blogskin and adding all the sparkly accessories, for my birthday? Hell, I'm not gonna change it just like that!
So dear readers, you shall tolerate with this princessy, pinkish skin until...September!
Yes, that's where I may change my blogskin. Why September, you may ask.
Because that's my birthday month! Yeah, I change my blogskins yearly! *grins at your lamed face* Hehe! =P

Just look at the commotion going on in my taggieboard.
I find it hilarious.
1 real prince, and the other, a fake prince.
I just find all of them the same prince anyway.
Because, I don't even know who's who!
I don't have the slightest idea who they are.
I don't even know whether they know me, in real life!
Maybe they are just prankers on the Net.
Or maybe...

I dunno. Seriously!
I dunno their identities, and it's irritating my nerves.
My heart is itching to know who they are.
It's quite freaky actually.
Imagine anonymous peeps hugging you.

Today is a special day to me.
There is no homework.
I'm happy today.
I dunno why I was not sad when I got back my Chemistry test paper.
Okay, I'm seriously immune to pain!


8:18 PM;

{Saturday, February 18, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I seriously don't understand why I'm typing this entry belated.
Okay, now I know why.
Because I simply don't have enough time.

Friday? Friday was a half-day all right, but it just wasn't enough to help me complete the 'innocent' looking pile of homework. Okay, I guiltily admit that it was due to the fact that I went out with Ting to dine at Delifrance. -) The whole of the afternoon was then spent by my princess sleep; was dog-tired after the incessant bombardments of tests and pissed off by revolting marks written in red ink by sadistic teachers.
When I woke up, my mom wanted to go to the hairdresser's. So I tagged along to have my hair cut too. Had my hair layered again, this time the layers were neater; but shorter. Still it was much better, as compared to the previous haircut. Duh, I went back to the usual place. =)

When the haircut was done, it was already evening time. Did some bits of homework and went to watch Stairway to Heaven. Don't complain, I know I have already watched the whole show, but it was nice to watch again. Good shows are watched repeatedly what. =)) The 2nd disc was touching. Especially the part when the little Cheng-jun ge is going away to further his studies; and poor little Jing Shu is not going with him to further her studies because of the wicked plan the evil mother and daughter conjured up to separate them. Lil Jing Shu is locked up by the stupid stepsister and Lil Cheng-jun ge is leaving already. Thank god the brother helped to unlock the door and poor Lil Jing Shu ran all the way to the airport to find Lil Cheng-jun ge, while carrying a tape recorder. Lil Cheng-jun ge is so sweet as to record his message to Lil Jing Shu, confessing his love to her. Lil Jing Shu wanted to find Lil Cheng-jun ge before he leaves, and to reply to the tape recorder, that she loves him too. When she got to the airport, there was no one there. She thought she had came too late and started crying. Suddenly, the departure door opened, and there stood the charming guy. He smiled at her. Lil Jing Shu was still crying, pressed the tape recorder and said, "I love you too." Then they hugged and smiled. Lil Cheng-jun ge took out two necklaces, one in the shape of a heart, and the other, in the shape of something that will encase the heart. They took turns putting the necklaces onto each other's neck and then it was time for Lil Cheng-jun ge to go.

Sob. How touching. ='(

After watching the show, I went to sleep. Lol.

The next day, which is today, I woke up early for guitar lesson. I swore I shouldn't have gone for it, because, the instructor has decided to pick and pick and pick on me. *grumbles*
He kept on scolding me because I was not paying attention and playing the wrong notes. There's always a reason behind everything, and my reason was because some of his notes were wrong and too boring. =)
Once I sneezed real loud. And forgot to say, "Excuse me."
Then he said, "HELLO. Where's your manners? Oi, where you cut your hair ah? Next time don't go that salon again." He said it in front of the whole ensemble. Imagine it. My face turned hot you know. Hello, my hair is so much better than yours, at least my head is not bald. Plus it's really wrong to critisize a salon which charges $16 for a haircut. Plus I'm a regular customer.
Enough of guitar. So boring.
After guitar, I went for literature lesson. The first ever literature lesson. People are asking me why I took it as an extra subject. Because I've fallen heads over heels in love with Literature. If Literature was a guy, I would marry him. =) Okay, back to the literature lesson.
God, the teacher was the Principal.
Boring lesson again, because I didn't understand one single bit of the book, Mcbeth.
Didn't read through the whole act what. =_=
After literature lesson, went for A Maths tuition.
Boring again.
But can see the teacher. ^^
Kidding. =)

I'm trying really hard to overcome the overwhelming stress.
Stress is derived from...
-me tolerating people who critisize me
-me tolerating the fact that I'm a stupid princess
-me tolerating the fact that the prince in the taggieboard has not revealed himself yet
-me tolerating the fact that I will remain a victim of unrequited love
-me tolerating the fact that so many peeps are getting better results than me
-me tolerating the fact that teachers like to give us homework and tests
-me tolerating the fact that I have to tolerate those people who dampen my spirits
-me tolerating the fact that I feel so unloved, uncared for...

And the list goes on.


11:32 PM;

{Wednesday, February 15, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Hey, I'm sorry for posting that really sadistic post yesterday.
I just felt like crying my heart out, pouring my feelings into the blog.
I hope peeps can understand.

Peeps ask me what happened yesterday.
Seriously, I myself also dunno.
Maybe it's because I got a 9 for my E Maths?
And partly the fact that I felt unloved and not cared for?
And also partly because of the homework and tests that are strangling me.
And also that my life isn't perfect.

It's not what I want it to be.
I need someone to comfort me.
Console me.
Hug me.
Treasure me.
Love me.



9:22 PM;

{Tuesday, February 14, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Why must tears fall on Valentines' Day, of all days?
It just makes it more memorable for me.
The memory remains engraved right here. *points to the airhead*
I am a stupid princess.
How could princesses be dumb?
It's just impossible, but have you ever heard of the proverb "Nothing is impossible to do"?
And I'm just one of the living examples of airheads.

Don't argue with me and say,
"How could you be so sad? You are like so cheerful everyday."
You just can't see my invisible tears, dear mortal.
For you are too happy to see these things in life.

Everytime I look at you,
I feel like crying my heart out.
I feel like stabbing it with a thousand of pointed knifes to ease the pain.
I didn't realise I'm a survivor of unrequited love everytime.
I know it sounds hilarious, but certainly it's not, to me.
Try it and you shall know.
However, some people just don't understand.
They treat it like a joke,
They say, "You ugly piece of shit. No one would want you. Of course."

I feel so touched today too.
Shafie actually sent me a Valentines' gift.
And I was only joking with him.
He actually said that he felt pain when Suzie 'bullied' me. He felt like crying when he saw my expression after seeing the single digit in my E Maths test.
I didn't know he's such a friend to me.

Living? I just don't feel like living anymore. It's more joyful to be somewhere in heaven, better than on Earth. Earth just gives you so much unhappiness and pressure, whereas in heaven, everyone just seems so happy and peaceful.
I wanna dance all my sorrows away in heaven.


7:43 PM;

{Monday, February 13, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I wish everyone a happy happy valentines! Even though you are still single, fret not, my blog shall celebrate the special day with you! Hehe. Okay, I know Valentines' is not here yet, but it is tomorrow! Plus I have physics test tomorrow, so I'm just blogging in advance. =)

Here's a dreamy and mushy poem I've thought of yesterday. +)

Happy Valentines'

You and I
Like water and ice
From different realms
Weird as it seems
But fate
It kept me waiting
It made me believe
You and I are meant to be
So let's pray there will be a rainbow after a rain
On Valentines' Day.

I know, I know. You are already suffering from goosebumps after reading it, ain't ya? I told you it'll be mushy! =P

I wish that everyone will enjoy the special day with your significant other tomorrow.
For those who are young and single, oh well, celebrate with my blog! 24/7 service! Heheh.
Oh yeah, you are asking what I'm hoping for tomorrow, on V Day?
Oh well, I just wanna know who's that prince. Lol.
And I wanna receive love letters! Joking. =P


Add another extra MMMMWWWWAAAAHHHH.
I'm not so generous, just on V Day. =)

8:16 PM;

{Saturday, February 11, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Love is in the air. Valentines' is just round the corner. So is physics test. -_-
Valentines' is a perfect opportunity for me to be dreamy and mushy, yet it won't affect the people around me. They won't be irritated by my lovey-dovey poems and wistful daydreamy smiles.

Enough about Valentines'. Why should I say so much about it and realize that I won't be spending the special day with anyone? This is so stupid.

Oh yeah, by the way, dear readers, don't you know I already have 4 missing teeth? That is so cool right? -_-;;; I thought I would be "Once bitten, twice shy" but I didn't feel any pain during the second round of extraction. I guess it's because I'm immune to the pain; and that the dentist is more gentle than the first one. =)

I'm getting myself busier than ever, by burying myself into thick textbooks that I can hardly breathe. Can someone send me a miracle so that everything in my life is perfecto? Can't I be happy and skip around like a little girl everyday? I wanna be happy.

I wanna know who's the prince in the taggieboard.
Brace yourself. Identify yourself. I promise I won't laugh at you.
If that little wish is fulfilled, it's like a sparkle of light, illuminating the darkness.


8:32 PM;

{Sunday, February 05, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

This is one particular song that reminds me greatly of ballroom dancing with your significant other.

Can You Feel The Love Tonight

Cartoon voice:
I can see what's happening (what?!)
And they don't have a clue (who?!)
They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line
Our trio's down to two (oh.)
The sweet caress of twilight
There's magic everywhere
And with all this romantic atmosphere
Disaster's in the air!
(This part reminds me of the introduction of the couple that's going to dance in the ballroom.)

Can you feel the love tonight
The peace the evening brings
The world for once
In perfect harmony
With all its living things
(The couple starts holding hands and waltzing around the room...)

So many things to tell her
But how to make her see
The truth about my past? Impossible!
She'd turn away from me
(The dance starts to get a bit melancholy)

He's holding back, he's hiding
But what I can't decide
Why won't he be the king I know he is
The king I see inside?
(The girl does the twirl thing and the dance continues to be melancholy)


Can you feel the love tonight
The peace the evening brings
The world for once
In perfect harmony
With all its living things
(The dance gets lively and happy again)

Can you feel the love tonight
You needn't look too far
Stealing through
The night's uncertainties
Love is where they are
(The dance ends romantically and the couple is wrapped up in a lovely embrace)

Cartoon voice:
And if he falls in love tonight (sniff)
It can be assumed
His care-free days with us are history
In short our pal is doomed!
(This signifys the end of the romantic dance and the audience stands up, clapping)

How dreamy and romantic.


8:52 PM;

Dear Diar2,

I didn't know why I was laughing at every tiny thing that happened during tuition class yesterday. Were the smiles and laughters released during tuition just a let out of overwhelming sadness that is filling up my heart? Nobody knows, except myself. But I really dunno why I kept laughing.

Say, when the 'shuai' tuition teacher was teaching A MATHS, yeah, he was teaching the formula of surds and all that crap in chapter 3, I actually sniggered a bit. Because while he was teaching, I noticed that he kept on making the lip noise. Maybe that's his way of squeezing out information from his brain.

And what with my dar sitting just beside me, it was like adding oil to the fire.
When I sniggered a bit, she also will. I dunno why. And the two of us will just crack up in laughter like nobody's business.

I laughed even harder when a boy in the tuition class answered wrongly when the teacher asked him a question.
"Hunky" teacher: "What do you get when square root 5 is multiplied by square root 5?"
"Kuku" boy: "10."
*the classroom was exploded to bits by our laughter*
I was not being mean or anything. Just that the way that boy answered the question wrongly seemed funny to me. Maybe not for the sane human brain.
We laughed even harder when the teacher asked,
"What's so FUNNY?"
This time, I'm not being mean too. No mean girls here. His facial expression seemed funny to me too. Everything seemed funny to me. =X

From that time onwards, whatever the teacher did or said seemed funny to me. And whenever that boy asks the teacher a question, I exploded in laughter.
This is crazy.
I am.
A psycho.
And what makes me become that?
Overwhelming sadness.
That's what.


5:02 PM;

{Thursday, February 02, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Sorry for this entry, but.

Nothing is perfect in this world. Life is always full of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes the ride is so soothing that you squeal in excitement; sometimes it is so bumpy and uncomfortable that it puts you off. Sometimes, you even cry in fear, because of the threatening big bump during the ride. And even sometimes, you cry all the way during the ride because there's nobody sitting beside you to comfort you. Sometimes, you even wish you didn't try the ride at all.

I think I'm immune to all of the above. I don't even feel a thing now, except endless numbing pains. They are irritating, yet painful. Yes, I'm putting on a brave front. People just do not know my smiles and laughter are sometimes a cover-up.

A scoop of ice cream tastes so saccharine sweet when you first put it into your mouth. It melts and dissolves into a delicious liquid. After many scoops of it, the sweetness is different. It tastes sickly sweet. You wanna stop eating it, but you can't make yourself to do it. In the end, what you tasted made you sick. You hate yourself for it, but it can't be helped. All you can do now is to punish yourself, and stop eating.

How I wish I could be an innocent baby forever. Or a little girl. That way I would be free of worries and be happy always.


9:20 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


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Credits: momotea, larafairie.
Images: Foto decadent, deviantart.
Since 31st March'06
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