heart on wings

{Monday, January 30, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! Especially to those peeps who are loyal, faithful readers of my blog and also to peeps who keep on giving me huggies, but never identifying oneself. Lol.

Today was a fun day for me, except that my darling ipod, Pinky Winky, just chose to rest for this particular important day, the first day of CNY. I seriously dunno what happened to it, batt low. But I just charged it a few days ago, and yesterday when I listened to it, it was still fine! Until today. When I just realised it snoring in the car. Hmph! *grumble grumble* OK. Enough of grumbling. I just can't live without my Pinky Winky, especially when I have nothing to do in the car. -)

First stop was at my mother's side place. My favourite place. Heheh. Everyone gave big reactions when they saw me. Maybe it's because it's been a loonnngg time since I wore a cheongsam. Since p2/3! =)
"Whoa, nice!"
"Whoa, qin sui!" *in hokkien*
"My darling granddaughter is so pretty!" *kiss kiss* (that was my grandmother saying in hokkien) =))
"Happy new year!" *fishes out the two oranges*
"Whoa, you so big already!"
"Whoa, you look so different!" -_-;;;
And all those greetings and receivings of angbaos.
The tidbits and the little things were nice to eat. I fear I might gain a few kilos after Chinese New Year. Whatever. I can go to the gym and burn the fats! Lol.
We played blackjack.
I only won $2. Lol. Better than nothing right? =P

Second stop was at my father's side place. Not really close to them. But okay okay lah.
Again, the same things happened.
The big big reactions.
"Whoa, where you buy this ah?"
"Whoa, you look like one of those celebrities!"
So flattering. *blush blush*
Then, followed by the usual greetings and the collection of angbaos.
Then, makan time. The feasting of the tidbits and all.
Then, dinner time. Oohh lah lah.
Finally, it was time to leave after some smoozing.

Third stop was at the dunno what temple. The only thing I liked was I could pat the dogs roaming around the temple. =)

Alright, it's VERY late now, and unusual for the princess to stay up so late. I gotta go catch my royalle sleep. I lurve the angbaos I've received, especially my father's one! So cool. It's worth it kneeling down in front of him and saying 10 of those auspicious words before getting his angbao from him. =))

And again, a very happy new year to all. Heheh.


12:49 AM;

{Saturday, January 28, 2006}


Should this current blogskin be changed to http://www.blogskins.com/apply.php?sid=69028&action=Preview, because of incessant pleas from my darling Fiona?

Tag at my taggieboard to do this poll!
Thank you, and have a nice happy new year break everyone!


4:02 PM;

{Tuesday, January 24, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I didn't go school today. Instead, I went to the HPB for extraction of 2 teeth. ='( And it ain't finished yet. I gotta go back on the 7th of Feb for the 2nd round of extraction. Yes, you got your maths right. I would have 4 teeth missing. *sadistic cheer*
In case you don't know, I had to extract the teeth because I need to put on braces. I'm totally looking forward to it. Heh. I've become sadistic all because of the great loss of blood. Help, I'm dying! Yay.
I think the amount of blood I lost will be able to fill a drinking cup. Just imagine that. Heh. Oh well, I know you sadistic readers are keen and eager to know what exactly happened, don't you? Alright, I shall satisfy your sadistic need.

I reached the place at 9:20am. Yawn.
Waited for 10 minutes, before my turn came.
The doctor smiled at me and greeted me.
Asked me to lie down on that horrifying electronic seat.
He forced me to open my mouth wide and shoved a metal thing onto my jaws. The pressure exerted onto my jaws and teeth and gums were great. It was pressurizing. This was to create a mould of my own mouth.
After the mould thingy was done, he put some rubber bands on my molar teeth.
All the above done was painful.
Soothingly painful. Lol.

The next procedure I know everyone needs to feast their eyes on.
The extraction part.
The doctor was a young and quite handsome Malay guy, who was encouraging and kind to me.
He asked me to relax, and sit on that horrifying electronic again.
He fished out his weapon, an injection which was huge and long. It looked real dangerous, the long sharp thing was like 10cm long? Oh my god. I almost fainted when I saw his weapon.
I closed my eyes and he forced my mouth open. He injected 4 times, twice on the upper jaw and lower jaw. It was piercingly painful. I think the long sharp thing went deep inside my gums.
Of course I did scream. My mom did not even dare to look.
One minute later, I felt like half of my lips were paralysed. I could not feel a thing.
Then the doctor said, "Are you ready for it?"
Of course I wanted to say no, but to get the whole damn thing finished fast, I nodded my head.
Again, the doctor fished out his weapon. This time, it was an enormous tweezer, the kinds that are used to grab bread in the bread shop.
He forced open my gaping mouth and applied so much pressure onto the first tooth that is going to be extracted that I could feel the roots rotating and moving.
Then, suddenly, no pressure already.
Then, I saw it. The tooth. Oh gosh. It's like so long. Like 4cm long? Yeah. I'm not kidding you.
The second tooth was the same procedure. Except that a nurse was holding onto my head so that it would be easier for the doctor to remove the tooth from the upper jaw. Imagine that kind of pressure.

Cool, ain't it?
Life is short, so you have to experience many many new things so that you won't die with regrets.

Oh by the way, I have just realized that blood doesn't taste rusty.
It's that kind of sickening sour-bitter-salty taste.
I think my mouth is still bleeding now. A little.
So cool.


4:43 PM;

{Friday, January 20, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I seriously dunno whether I can patch things up with her again. I just called her after my crazy shopping spree, and I hope we can be friends again. How I long to see her smile plastered on her face, laughing and joking with me. How I long we can chat like nobody's business no matter where we are, on the street, at the shopping mall. How I long we can forever be friends.

My darling friends, I know you all have consoled me and everything when I was down into depression. I actually thought of slashing my wrists the day when I quarrelled with my mom and she ignored me. I actually thought you all didn't wanna be friends anymore. But I was wrong. I was thinking too pessimistic. I didn't remember that there's always a rainbow after a rain, and the sun will always rise up and brighten up the land overwhelmed with darkness. And I thought too much until I came to a conclusion that I will let Daniel swap classes with me. I know if I did that, I would regret for the rest of my life. I know I will forever be down into depression and need loads of counselling.

Enough of all this. I just hope everything will turn out right. I'm sorry if I made any of my darling friends upset. You know I'm like that, when I get angry, I blow up and walk out on you. But I simmer down fast. Still, the damage's already done. So I'm sorry.

Today I went shopping. It livened up my mood and made me feel alive once again. To think I hate my mom, actually I don't. I love her. Silently, so she doesn't know. She was like the personal assistant attending to the posh princess, carrying her shopping bags and fishing out her credit cards to pay for the shopping spree. If I tell you how many items I bought today, you won't be able to believe it. It's crazy.

But I'm lovin' it.


9:25 PM;

{Thursday, January 19, 2006}

Lost in a realm of melancholy
Everything I see screams a pain of agony
Deep down inside I knew I had died
No heart alive could survive the tide
An undead soul
Is no longer whole
It stops crying, it stops everything
Yet tears of blood still run down my cheeks
Oh cry me a bloody river
It will make everything better
Or if I just disappear from the world
Everyone would rejoice in laughter


7:02 PM;

{Saturday, January 14, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Sorry for neglecting you, my dearie. My modem has cocked up. I'm currently using my uncle's labtop now. Uh, I think Monday then can work...my father IS NOT A COMPUTER EXPERT YOU KNOW. So have to wait for the technical man to come. Wonder whether handsome or not...haha.

Oh well, what has been happening in my boring school life, besides the luxurious princessy life? I tell you, it can be as boring as reciting the bible or something. Or telling you to count the grains on the beach. I'm quite used to sitting right at the back. Quite fun and it's something new. Can see the whole view of the classroom and whatever the peeps in the classroom are doing. Heheh. I can admire the teachers and laugh at their sillyness. Lol. However, the teachers are always picking on me. "You, stand up and answer my question or else." or "You, come up and write on the board." -_-

Oh yeah, I love the heavy workload. Yeah, I love it to bits. -_- I'm gonna be extra hardworking this year, and study like a fked up nerd. =) I'm not gonna be the last 20 in the class this year. Not gonna.

All right, enough about school work, and study study studies.
School life is always projected by american high school movies as bitchy and a dog eat dog world. Kinda quite right, but I don't quite agree on the bitchy part. A dog eat dog world? Of course. Everyone wants to get to the highest peak and remain there. So peeps are getting more self-centered these days, and I wonder how I would survive if I were to go to a class without my darling kukumalus. I'm feeling so damn lucky to have them once again. And... too.

Don't feel much like blogging today, but just to let you all faithful readers know that I'm still alive. =)


Miss ya.
Oh yeah, I wonder if I'll ever know the Someone.
Because of you, you brightened up my life like a torch burning in the darkness of the dampy forest. =)

9:30 PM;

{Friday, January 06, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

This email really caught my attention.

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no.

She asked him if he would want to be with her forever, he said...no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough. As she walked away with tears streaming down her face, the boy grabbed her arm and said,

"You're not pretty, but beautiful."

"I don't want to be with you forever. I need to be with you forever."

"And I wouldn't cry when you walk away, I'll die."

You are everything to somebody right now this very minute.

Someone is very proud of you
Someone is thinking of you
Someone cares about you
Someone misses you
Someone wants to talk to you
Someone wants to be with you
Someone hopes you aren't in trouble
Someone is thankful for all the support you have provided
Someone wants to hold your hand
Someone hopes everything turns out all right
Someone wants you to be happy
Someone wants you to find them
Someone is celebrating your successes
Someone wants to give you a gift
Someone thinks you ARE a gift
Someone hopes you are not too cold, too hot
Someone wants to hug you
Someone loves you
Someone wants to lavish you with small gifts
Someone admires your strength
Someone is thinking of you and smiling
Someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on
Someone wants to go out with you and have lots of fun
Someone thinks the world of you
Someone wants to protect you
Someone would do anything for you
Someone wants to be forgiven
Someone is thankful for your forgiveness
Someone wants to laugh with you about old times
Someone remembers and wishes you were there
Someone needs to know your love is unconditional
Someone values your advice
Someone wants to tell you how much they care
Someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you
Someone wants to share their dreams with you
Someone wants to hold you in their arms
Someone wants you to hold them in your arms
Someone treasures your spirit
Someone wishes they could stop time because of you
Someone can't wait to see you
Someone wishes that things didn't have to change
Someone loves you for who you are
Someone loves the way you make them feel
Someone wants to be with you
Someone hears a song that reminds them of you
Someone wants you to know they are here for you
Someone is glad that you're her friend
Someone wants to be your friend
Someone stayed up all night thinking of you
Someone is alive because of you
Someone is wishing you would notice them
Someone wants to get to know you better
Someone believes you are their soul mate
Someone wants to be near you
Someone misses your guidance and advice
Someone values your guidance and advice
Someone has faith in you
Someone trusts you
Someone needs you to send them this letter
Someone needs your support
Someone needs you to have faith in them
Someone needs you to be their friend
Someone will cry when they read this...

This is so touching. My many many pieces of broken heart are already shedding silent tears inside. But I just know that each piece would be healed with one of these sentences.


Though I do not know Someone, I'm thankful that Someone wants me to know that I'm everything to them this very minute...
I love you.

8:50 PM;

{Thursday, January 05, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

I'm sorry to say that I'm going to post a weird and moody entry. Pardon me, for I need to get this out of my heart. It has been a long time since I'm feeling so sad, I freakingly dunno why. Can't say it in words, so here goes.


Happily crossing the room
Didn't realized I will be filled with gloom
Those deceptive human beings
Are there to hurt my feelings
I pretend not to care
But my heart was just teared

Yeah, it sounds weird, but it was just how I felt when I just reached the classroom today. Yeah, so there. Another one.

"Ignorance is bliss"

"Ignorance is bliss"
But I just couldn't miss
Fluttering eyelashes, blushing smiles
Could be detected within a mile
The weak and fragile heart will not take
Nor would a lie cover the heartache


P.S. How would you feel if you invite quite a lot of friends to come your house and celebrate your brother's bday to make up for housewarming, and they reject your invitation? I bet you will feel hurt and saddened. And also about the caterer going to prepare all the food and all the leftovers will be going down the drain? How would you feel, if they are your close friends? I bet you will feel like your heart's gonna break, though it ain't your bday, or it will be even worse.

After today, I feel like my heart is suffering.
It is broken, into many many pieces. The pieces might be even smaller than a quail's egg.
How can it be plastered back again? You tell me how.

7:30 PM;

{Tuesday, January 03, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Yeah right. First day of school was totally fun. *sarcasm*
I found the assembly talks by Mrs Neo extremely boring and draggy, maybe it's because I had terrible insomnia last night. I turned in to sleep at 10 plus, and I tossed here tossed there, I couldn't sleep, partly because of the excitement of being 'promoted' to upper sec and imagining the horror of my new teachers. Actually, I was feeling overexcited last night, which I shouldn't have done so. But normally first days of schools students will be eager and nervous at the same time to start a new school year right? I'm one of them.
I've just found out that upper sec classrooms are way bigger than lower sec classrooms. So it pays to be a senior of the school. =) The form teacher appointed me to sit right at the back. I'm so totally not used to it, but it's okay. I like that place. Because you can see the whole class and it's cool to sit right at the back. Dunno why. Maybe because of Neni. She made me feel so welcome. =)
The new teachers are okay actually. I was overreacting last night to be dreaming of them turning into monsters. =) I like that physics teacher, so funny. Hehe. But then I was bloody embarrassed lah. He wanted to know us better, but instead of the usual standing up introduction of yourself, he will pick one person and ask the person to say things about another person. I was lucky number one. (Just because I was sitting right at the back, I think)


Today is just the first day of upper sec life.
And I'm already missing Mr Lew and the rest of the teachers that taught me last year.

7:28 PM;

{Sunday, January 01, 2006}

Dear Diar2,

Welcome welcome welcome...2006! Hehehe.
Goodbye, farewell...2005! =)
I shall be a good girl and stick to my new year resolutions.
Click on 'Desires' and take a look at my new year resolutions. Teehee.
Hope that 2006 will be as amazing as 2005!
And hope that there will not be much of bird flu and all that shit. =)
1 more day to schooling. Blah.
Hope that it would be exciting though. =)
Can laugh about the guys wearing long pants! Damn kuku lah. BLEH. I'm feeling damn fortunate to be a girl. =D
Oh yeah, for Ke Hua sniggering because I have not yet shopped, lemme tell ya that I have at least bought a set or two of new clothes! Whoopee. Better than nothing. =P
Not looking forward to upper sec life though. Freaking long hours of school. Blah.
Anyways, hope it would be a great year for me. Cheers! =))


On a sadder note, I hope all those pretend-to-be-a-professional-hairdresser should read this. And I hope all those fakers who open shops in Singapore all close down, for everybody's sake. You won't want to look like a disaster, don't you? And your hair is the most important thing on your head, ain't it? My mom, the meatball prince and I decided to have a haircut. Although we can't possibly go to the usual nice salon at Tampines since we're living at a different place, no? So we decided to try out those kinda cheap cheap shops near the Simei mrt. Oh god. I do pity my brother. OMG. You won't believe what kinda haircut he ended up with. Bitches. Those bitches. I swear I could burn down the whole shop. This was what happened.

We innocently stepped into a shop called Top Cut, as we thought the hairdressers' skills would be good, hence the name of the shop. Oh no. Disaster striked when I saw the idiotic hairdresser destroying my brother's crop of nice hair. She's a total IDIOT. You know how she cut my brother's hair? At the sides, GREAT slopes down. You know, that kinda hairstyle. OH MY GOODNESS. JUST BECAUSE YOUR HAIR SUCKS, GET OFF OURS. (She's a freaking old hag, with a freaking desperate wrinkled face and a freaking crop of lousy and damaged long hair) I cringed at the sight of my brother.
"No, mom, I don't wanna get a haircut."
"YOU BETTER, or else you are not going to have your hair cut, EVER."
I had no choice. I frowned at the freaking old hag and shut my eyes tightly, and prayed for the best. She's a BITCH!!! Just a simple job of layering my hair and trimming my fringe, she did a fking bad job out of it. My fringe is SLANTED. Not really visible, but hey, I'm real fussy. Layering my hair? Heh. Might as well don't do it, coz' my hair now looks so untrimmed and messy, like before. Crazy bitch. I glared at her and demanded that she layer my hair more, and you know what she say?
*with a fking desperate tone* "I don't know how, you tell me how!"
*fking irritated* "Just layer my hair, make it thinner!"
"AIYA, FORGET IT." *throws the stupid cloth wrapped around me*
You better close down your shop, OR ELSE.

8:56 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


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