heart on wings

{Friday, October 28, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Okay. Treat it like the previous entry did not even exist, I didn't expect it to happen either.

I've changed my mind. So I'm going to kill myself, 3a/b.

Mr Lew brainwashed my brain, together with the help of my mother. He said that if I go to 3c/d, I will be at a disadvantage. 7 subjects and if you drop 1, you'll be in serious trouble. That means you have less choices to make when you only have 6 subjects. Which means you must do freaking well for all of them. Moreover, he continued to brainwash me by saying how I have improved since mid year exam, and he believed that I would be able to do it. He also said that judging from my hardworking-ness and putting studies as the first priority, I would not have problems dealing with pure science. My mother added that the teachers would be kind to help you out when you have problems dealing with pure science. After hearing all that, I really did not know what to do. I was in a dilemma. A heavy one. Therefore I asked Mr Lew to call my mom and talk it out with her. Mr Lew added that going to 3c/d would change the whole social environment, which means that the people would try to influence you to play instead of studying and you would find yourself falling backwards instead of improving. He kept saying that I could do it, if I believed I could. And told me not to believe all those nonsense the seniors told me, about how freaking stressful pure science class is. I told Mr Lew about how my mom said that if I chose to go to 3c/d, I would be entering the Arts stream. He said that it was no harm going to 3a/b as I could choose going to the Science stream or the Arts stream. It would be a greater advantage.

I should stop here now, talking about the disadvantages and the advantages of the 2 different classes. It was a major change I made, I hope I would be able to survive in the pure science class. But even if I don't, I would drop to combined science, no harm trying out triple science. There was nothing for me to lose anyway, so might as well give it a shot. You may never know if you don't try right...well anyway, I felt sort of relieved after making the changes, somehow the night before I did not feel well going to 3c/d and was kinda itching to try out 3a/b. Oh well, I guess I've made the right choice. I would not regret it. =D

Today is the last day of school. 2 months of holidays, hmm, gotta go update my wishlist and desires too! And conjure up a list of things I must do! Hehe. On a sadder note, I'll miss everyone in 2A. I'll miss sec 2 life. Although I didn't quite like the class in the beginning of the year because of cliques, somehow I've managed to know the people in my class much much better, and I think I'll miss them all. Miss ya, my classie mates! Sigh, I hope majority of my classie mates would be in the same class as me next year!

Was so touched today. Jin Ming and Hong Zuo made the class powerpoint slides and video, and the song made it so memorable and touching. Awww...sniff sniff. Bloody hell, to think I've shed a few tears because of that. -_-;;;

Don't wanna go to upper sec so soon. Still wanna enjoy life like a little kid! Aww, gotta miss lower secondary life, because of the shorter school hours and lighter and easier subjects! Time is not always on my side...hmph.

Okay, enough of schooling. Now, to shopping. Amelin went to my house today after school ended, as I wanted to go bathe and then go out with Amelin to shop. Went shopping at Tampines Mall and Century Square. Was not that boring after all, we went to a couple of shops like Precious Thots, Happy House...omg, you wouldn't want to read this.

What the hell, I almost bloody got myself into big big trouble inside the shopping mall. You know the bloody shop next to the pinky neoprint shop? The bloody shop almost killed me. Just because I came across a delightful handphone holder and I was holding it only, and one freaking part of it dropped and a small freaking fragment of the small part dropped out, the freaking lady in the shop said that I broke the handphone holder. And I need to pay it. Hello, are your eyes spoiled or something? Have they gotten eye cancer? Hello, a small teeny-weeny fragment went out and it was not entirely my fault anyway. The small part of the handphone holder was already loose, and when I held it, the thing got so loose that it dropped to the floor. I quickly picked it up and fixed it back, and you freaking told me that I broke it??? Don't belittle me, don't try to make me pay the full amount of the handphone holder just because I 'broke' it. I was fuming mad, I kept on whining and complaining that it wasn't entirely my fault and the magnet holding the small part was not strong anyway. I gave plenty of reasons like, "I'm broke", "I have tuition later so I cannot go home and get the money", "My parents are both working you know...you expect me to call them?" Some of them are totally fake, but nevertheless, I use them in this kinda emergency. Amelin was next to me, looking dumbfounded. She cannot help me pay coz' she's also broke, and she looked bloody frightened. She said that I was so good at acting, the lies I told the lady sounded very real and convincing. I have to do this last minute. Or else they won't let me off.

You know how they let me off scot-free? I think heaven saved me. I was in luck or something.
I showed them my wallet to let them see how 'rich' and 'loaded' I was. I told them I only had $4 with me, so they either take it and let me pay the rest tomorrow or I told them to forget it. Coz' you're wasting my bloody time, I told them. They were not sure what to do, oh yeah, there were 2 ladies, one of them looked like she wanted to let me off, coz' on the account that I was still a kid, but the other lady, a female dog, gave me the same treatment as adults, wanted me to pay, or I leave my EZ-LINK card behind and come back tomorrow to pay the full amount. Freaking toot.
Amelin told her about how I needed the card to board the bus and all, but she still gave no freaking way. Hello, can't you see I'm just a little spoilt brat? Who really 'desired' to break your precious things? The female dog even called the manager to see to the big big problem. The manager was even kinder than the female dog. He told her that I could leave my name and NRIC number so that I must come and pay tomorrow. Not like the female dog, who wanted me to go home and get the money immediately, leaving my EZ-LINK card with her to make sure I do not get away. I thought I was in no position to leave scot-free, I gave up, and told them I would pay part of the amount then and pay the full amount tomorrow. And I also asked them whether I could get the 'broken' furniture if I pay the full amount. They said yes, and I asked them whether they could fix it for me, as I was sort of buying it. The other lady, not the female dog, tried to fix it. In the end, she could, so she asked me to leave without paying.

Freaking tooters. Money face. Freaking bully-small-kids-like-me. Pathetic.
In the end, they asked me to leave. Was so freaking mad. Wasted my time.
Pathetic money minders.
I would not enter or leave a stinky footprint in that shop anymore. Nada. They suck.
They bully people, especially teenagers who are often broke and they still force us to pay. Hello, a small fragment and I need to pay the full amount? What a lousy excuse. They did not even accept me to pay part of the amount only. What the hell, they are damn pathetic. So freaking desperate for money. How I wished my father was there, he could easily get a lawyer and sue them. Haha.
I'm not a teenager whom you can easily target on. I will not give in to you that easily. Especially when you wanted me to pay the full amount for the handphone holder, saying that all adults do this too, they pay the full amount. I don't even get it. Some people do not even have to pay when a miserable, microscopic fragment comes out of the furniture. How stingy can you get, you tooter. You should jolly well know how I didn't do that on purpose, and how it was partially your fault anyway. A defect, I can say. That was why you let me off. HA. I should tell you another big fat lie that my father is the CEO of a big company and can easily sue you for 'cheating' money from his daughter. Heh.
So they are freaking desperate for money. Next time, when I grow up and earn big bucks, I would take a few $10 notes, and use the notes to slap them in the face. Real hard, till their money faces get swollen and dyed because of the colour of the $10 notes.
Was so satisfied with my acting. I was so good at it, I even thought both of my parents were really working and that I really needed to rush for tuition. Ha.

Went to This Fashion after that. Bloody hell. I can't fit into their clothes.

This is my longest entry ever yet.

Tiring day, most life-experiencing day.


8:17 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


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Images: Foto decadent, deviantart.
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