heart on wings

{Friday, October 28, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Okay. Treat it like the previous entry did not even exist, I didn't expect it to happen either.

I've changed my mind. So I'm going to kill myself, 3a/b.

Mr Lew brainwashed my brain, together with the help of my mother. He said that if I go to 3c/d, I will be at a disadvantage. 7 subjects and if you drop 1, you'll be in serious trouble. That means you have less choices to make when you only have 6 subjects. Which means you must do freaking well for all of them. Moreover, he continued to brainwash me by saying how I have improved since mid year exam, and he believed that I would be able to do it. He also said that judging from my hardworking-ness and putting studies as the first priority, I would not have problems dealing with pure science. My mother added that the teachers would be kind to help you out when you have problems dealing with pure science. After hearing all that, I really did not know what to do. I was in a dilemma. A heavy one. Therefore I asked Mr Lew to call my mom and talk it out with her. Mr Lew added that going to 3c/d would change the whole social environment, which means that the people would try to influence you to play instead of studying and you would find yourself falling backwards instead of improving. He kept saying that I could do it, if I believed I could. And told me not to believe all those nonsense the seniors told me, about how freaking stressful pure science class is. I told Mr Lew about how my mom said that if I chose to go to 3c/d, I would be entering the Arts stream. He said that it was no harm going to 3a/b as I could choose going to the Science stream or the Arts stream. It would be a greater advantage.

I should stop here now, talking about the disadvantages and the advantages of the 2 different classes. It was a major change I made, I hope I would be able to survive in the pure science class. But even if I don't, I would drop to combined science, no harm trying out triple science. There was nothing for me to lose anyway, so might as well give it a shot. You may never know if you don't try right...well anyway, I felt sort of relieved after making the changes, somehow the night before I did not feel well going to 3c/d and was kinda itching to try out 3a/b. Oh well, I guess I've made the right choice. I would not regret it. =D

Today is the last day of school. 2 months of holidays, hmm, gotta go update my wishlist and desires too! And conjure up a list of things I must do! Hehe. On a sadder note, I'll miss everyone in 2A. I'll miss sec 2 life. Although I didn't quite like the class in the beginning of the year because of cliques, somehow I've managed to know the people in my class much much better, and I think I'll miss them all. Miss ya, my classie mates! Sigh, I hope majority of my classie mates would be in the same class as me next year!

Was so touched today. Jin Ming and Hong Zuo made the class powerpoint slides and video, and the song made it so memorable and touching. Awww...sniff sniff. Bloody hell, to think I've shed a few tears because of that. -_-;;;

Don't wanna go to upper sec so soon. Still wanna enjoy life like a little kid! Aww, gotta miss lower secondary life, because of the shorter school hours and lighter and easier subjects! Time is not always on my side...hmph.

Okay, enough of schooling. Now, to shopping. Amelin went to my house today after school ended, as I wanted to go bathe and then go out with Amelin to shop. Went shopping at Tampines Mall and Century Square. Was not that boring after all, we went to a couple of shops like Precious Thots, Happy House...omg, you wouldn't want to read this.

What the hell, I almost bloody got myself into big big trouble inside the shopping mall. You know the bloody shop next to the pinky neoprint shop? The bloody shop almost killed me. Just because I came across a delightful handphone holder and I was holding it only, and one freaking part of it dropped and a small freaking fragment of the small part dropped out, the freaking lady in the shop said that I broke the handphone holder. And I need to pay it. Hello, are your eyes spoiled or something? Have they gotten eye cancer? Hello, a small teeny-weeny fragment went out and it was not entirely my fault anyway. The small part of the handphone holder was already loose, and when I held it, the thing got so loose that it dropped to the floor. I quickly picked it up and fixed it back, and you freaking told me that I broke it??? Don't belittle me, don't try to make me pay the full amount of the handphone holder just because I 'broke' it. I was fuming mad, I kept on whining and complaining that it wasn't entirely my fault and the magnet holding the small part was not strong anyway. I gave plenty of reasons like, "I'm broke", "I have tuition later so I cannot go home and get the money", "My parents are both working you know...you expect me to call them?" Some of them are totally fake, but nevertheless, I use them in this kinda emergency. Amelin was next to me, looking dumbfounded. She cannot help me pay coz' she's also broke, and she looked bloody frightened. She said that I was so good at acting, the lies I told the lady sounded very real and convincing. I have to do this last minute. Or else they won't let me off.

You know how they let me off scot-free? I think heaven saved me. I was in luck or something.
I showed them my wallet to let them see how 'rich' and 'loaded' I was. I told them I only had $4 with me, so they either take it and let me pay the rest tomorrow or I told them to forget it. Coz' you're wasting my bloody time, I told them. They were not sure what to do, oh yeah, there were 2 ladies, one of them looked like she wanted to let me off, coz' on the account that I was still a kid, but the other lady, a female dog, gave me the same treatment as adults, wanted me to pay, or I leave my EZ-LINK card behind and come back tomorrow to pay the full amount. Freaking toot.
Amelin told her about how I needed the card to board the bus and all, but she still gave no freaking way. Hello, can't you see I'm just a little spoilt brat? Who really 'desired' to break your precious things? The female dog even called the manager to see to the big big problem. The manager was even kinder than the female dog. He told her that I could leave my name and NRIC number so that I must come and pay tomorrow. Not like the female dog, who wanted me to go home and get the money immediately, leaving my EZ-LINK card with her to make sure I do not get away. I thought I was in no position to leave scot-free, I gave up, and told them I would pay part of the amount then and pay the full amount tomorrow. And I also asked them whether I could get the 'broken' furniture if I pay the full amount. They said yes, and I asked them whether they could fix it for me, as I was sort of buying it. The other lady, not the female dog, tried to fix it. In the end, she could, so she asked me to leave without paying.

Freaking tooters. Money face. Freaking bully-small-kids-like-me. Pathetic.
In the end, they asked me to leave. Was so freaking mad. Wasted my time.
Pathetic money minders.
I would not enter or leave a stinky footprint in that shop anymore. Nada. They suck.
They bully people, especially teenagers who are often broke and they still force us to pay. Hello, a small fragment and I need to pay the full amount? What a lousy excuse. They did not even accept me to pay part of the amount only. What the hell, they are damn pathetic. So freaking desperate for money. How I wished my father was there, he could easily get a lawyer and sue them. Haha.
I'm not a teenager whom you can easily target on. I will not give in to you that easily. Especially when you wanted me to pay the full amount for the handphone holder, saying that all adults do this too, they pay the full amount. I don't even get it. Some people do not even have to pay when a miserable, microscopic fragment comes out of the furniture. How stingy can you get, you tooter. You should jolly well know how I didn't do that on purpose, and how it was partially your fault anyway. A defect, I can say. That was why you let me off. HA. I should tell you another big fat lie that my father is the CEO of a big company and can easily sue you for 'cheating' money from his daughter. Heh.
So they are freaking desperate for money. Next time, when I grow up and earn big bucks, I would take a few $10 notes, and use the notes to slap them in the face. Real hard, till their money faces get swollen and dyed because of the colour of the $10 notes.
Was so satisfied with my acting. I was so good at it, I even thought both of my parents were really working and that I really needed to rush for tuition. Ha.

Went to This Fashion after that. Bloody hell. I can't fit into their clothes.

This is my longest entry ever yet.

Tiring day, most life-experiencing day.


8:17 PM;

{Thursday, October 27, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

I'm feeling no better these days. All because of next year. Bloody hell.

Everyone's going separate ways, I guess. They are going to pure science class. Bleh. I hate science. Just thinking of 3 PURE science subjects make me wanna puke and suffocate and die. Dying would be so much better than having to cope with pure science subjects, plus the pressure from heartless teachers and a group of nerdy and over-competitive people. Yes, as my form teacher said, the environment there would be much more condusive as compared to 3c/d because of the people over there. I was thinking that if you put your heart and soul into the subjects you chose, there's no need to fret over whether the environment is condusive or not. Sigh, but the friends would be different. I don't wanna be separated with my friends. My closest friends whom I endured thick and thin through together. My darlings, honeys, sweetie-pies, cutie-pies. I would lose them all. Different class. Different people. Different friends. Even if I make new friends, it would not be the same as my old friends.

I guess I have to face up to the fact that friends come and go.

But I would still miss them. I would miss my friends, and 2A.
It's so funny. I would even miss those people whom I rarely talk to in 2A.

My mom says that looking at the subjects I chose, I would be going to the Arts stream. C'mon, what's so wrong with the arts stream? If it's so wrong, why do they wanna offer it to us in the first place? Why must people be so narrow-minded as to think that going to the Science stream would ensure a good and better future then those people opting for the Arts stream? Hello, not everyone can cope with science subjects and people may be born and destined to go to the Arts stream. They may be so good in the Arts stream that they produce even better results than the Science stream. Let's see who has the last laugh. Even if I go to pure science class, and I turn mad and go bonkers, I would still drop to normal class what. And some people are so freaking narrow-minded to think that combined science, physics/chemistry is a useless subject. Okay, if it's a useless subject, why do people do better in it then people doing pure sciences?

People should think twice before saying that combined science is useless, less things to cover, and it is almost like the sec2 textbook, and that it would be difficult to go to a JC.
Okay, so go ahead to pure sciences. BUT do not ever, ever drop it at the last minute. You would be better off dead. I would be the one laughing at you, because it was you who made the decision to go pure sciences, and end up dropping it. Haha. That would be so funny.

So anyways, I'm dead serious about going to 3c/d. But I'm gonna have problems with the social environment. Other than that, I think I would be okay.

To mom: Hello? If you think arts stream is not good and you snigger at me when you see what I chose for the subject combination, I'm going to tell you this: I'm not going to be a doctor or a researcher or a scientist in future. So what for going to the science stream and be suicidal about it?


no matter how i wait
i can't go
like a dummy crying
without you noticing
are you telling me to leave?
i miss you
i miss you to the point where i hate myself
i want to cry
i want to kneel down
if only everything didnt happen
searching the memories where i loved you crazily
those memories haunt me
but i can't hide from this love any longer
i shouldn't do this
but i miss you to death

8:39 PM;

{Wednesday, October 26, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

I can't believe it.

Now then I know I have an unsympathetic, unfeeling and don't-give-a-fucking-shit mother.

Today, I went home, showed her the subject combination for sec 3 and she didn't bloody give a fucking look. She just asked me to choose whatever shitty subject I want for sec 3 next year.
She said she didn't know what subjects I like to take next year, so she asked me to freaking fill up the form myself.

In my heart, I was silently cursing her.

What kind of mother is that, to heck care about SUBJECT COMBINATION FOR SEC 3??

I was freaking frustrated and told her that since she doesn't wanna see the form, then she can forget about seeing it forever.

You know what freaking excuse she said that made my blood boil?

"I thought you showed me the form earlier this year already huh? Anyway, I hate people who interrupt me when I'm teaching your brother."

That fishball again. That so-going-to-fail-badly bloody fishball. She cares about him more than me. I can tell she's freaking out coz' my brother is still watching TV, and tomorrow is his BIG DAY. Primary school exam. BIG DEAL.

As if she bloody gave a damn about my secondary school end-of-year exams, I recalled. She didn't even ASK what subjects I'm being tested for that particular day. She didn't even cared.

Okay, I admit she cares about my brother more than me. So what? I have plenty of friends who love me and care for me, I don't need your unconditional motherly love. I don't need it, I'm strong enough to hold on. But even if you cared more about my brother, you don't need to vent your anger onto me. Just because that freaking fishball is still enjoying himself in his luxury and so innocently going to fail or do badly in his exams, I repeat, you don't need to vent all your anger onto me.

I'm not your voodoo doll which you can easily vent your anger on by piercing sharp, pointed needles into my body. I'm a human being with a fragile beating heart, and that's final.

For those people reading this, you may be digusted by my sudden use of strong vulgarities in my bloggie. I deeply apologize for that, as that may put you off badly. But I really need to discard my anger, and the only thing I can do now is to write in this bloggie. If after reading this, you may get the impression that I'm a green monster, do think twice. Put yourself into my shoe. How would you feel when your mother doesn't want to sit down with you and discuss about your subject combinations for sec 3 next year like all mothers do with their children? How would you feel when your mother constantly tries to find fault with you and vents all her anger onto you? And how would you feel if your mother doesn't give a fucking damn about you, whether you're alive or dead?

I feel equally like an orphan, without any motherly love.
No difference.


6:34 PM;

{Monday, October 24, 2005}

Treasure Me

Treasure Me
Make me happy
Whisper lil sweet nothings into my ear
Embrace me like it's the end of the world
Treasure Me
Stay with me by my side
Till the sweetness subsides
Treasure Me
Give me a hug
As sweet as honey
As innocent as a baby
Just that
And I will be happy
Treasure Me
Before I'm gone like the wind.


My brother is so funny. He pronounced muacks as MUCKS.
It's MWAHH!!! for goodness sake.
Haha, that was damn funny.
I didn't know fishballs could talk too.

3:19 PM;

{Sunday, October 23, 2005}

Currently stuck at home, with nothing to do. I've never felt so lonely before.
School's out tomorrow, for no apparent reason.
And I've yet another day to spend at home.
Another boring, dry, long, tiring day to spend on my own.
With nobody to talk to, except the four walls, my family, and MISTER gurly.
Another day to spend at home listening to sadistic music, reading weepy romance stories, using the computer.
Maybe I would be able to go out with my friends.
Maybe yes, maybe no.
All my friends have their own businesses to do, while I have none.
To comfort myself, I tell myself I still have MISTER gurly by my side.
I can still cuddle him and feel his soft cuddly fur.
His plastered-on smile never fail to brighten up my day.
My mom laughed at me when she saw me sleeping with MISTER gurly by my side.
Hello mom, if you could just realize how cold and lonely I was, you should not laugh at me when you saw me hugging MISTER gurly to sleep.
If you just noticed.
If you cared.

Lonely is my name.


Although I do not say it,
I miss you.
And I will.

8:06 PM;

Dear Diar2,

Oh well. Today is sigh,


I hate it. I hate being bored. I want to go out and have fun with my friends, I want to go out and shop and have fun!!! Why can't I do that?

Answer: Just because my freaking brother is having his primary school exams???

What the hell... I must suffer because of him!!! HIM!!! Argh! That piece of huge, disgusting fishball! I had to suffer and stay at home just because he's taking his freaking piece of cake exams!!! Just because of that, I can't go out with my family and shop like a princess!

I can't do this, I can't do that. Sigh, that is just plain bias. My mom says I have to be considerate, not yell and shout while my poor little brother is studying for his exams. Hello, he's not even mugging as hard as I did for the previous weeks, and he's even distracted by my playing. I hope that he doesn't score as well for his coming exams...that will serve him god damn right! Muahahaha. Serves him real right, coz' when I was mugging for my exams, he made a great deal of noise! So now I can get my sweet revenge. Muahahaha.

I shall let him see me playing the whole day, make him envious of my playing. I shall make him get interested in my playing, and tempt him to play as well.

Haha, I'm so evil.

Haha. I didn't know my father was so vain. Just because he dyed his hair yesterday, he didn't allow himself to enjoy swimming in his soon-to-be new house! Oh my god, that was so funny. He said that the chlorine water will ruin his pricey expensive $58 hairdo, and he resisted going down into the waters for a swim. Yesterday while we were relaxing and frolicking happily in the water, he could only stand and watch us. I could tell he's tempted by it, and boy, he really did.

Today, early in the morning, he went swimming in our soon-to-be new house.

Like who can resist the irresistable temptation??

Oh well. Gotta go irritate my brother now. Tata!


2:42 PM;

{Saturday, October 22, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

How pathetic. I'm blogging again about my future house. Oh well, never mind.

Today was a fun day. I went out with my family to my future house for a swim.

It was cool cool, and more cool.

Never had a swim for like a few months?? Haha.

Olympic-sized swimming pool, jaccuzzi, volcano slide, baby pool and fun pool.

How cool can that be??

You must be drooling right now, if you never had a swim for like a few months.
Your computer keyboard must be swimming in a pool of your own saliva. Haha, I'm exaggerating.
Anyway, just the thought of it makes you feel like you wanna come straight to the swimming pool and jump into it! Too bad, there's security. Bleh.
I'm not trying to brag about my future house but it's the fact that there's security and what I'm saying is true. So you don't need to have a bad impression of me being a show-off or anything like that. What I'm blogging here is just my plain thoughts and what I did for today. -_-;;;

Okay, so back to the swimming. My family and I spent 3 hours in the swimming pool, trying the volcano slide and everything. My favourite spot is the jaccuzzi. It's so relaxing, I could sleep there if I want to. And the churning waters literally massaged my feet and back.
Aaaah. Relaxing.

Haha, I better stop here right now. Just in case your computer keyboard spoils because of the liquid dripping from your mouth. There you go, a tissue for you to wipe your mouth. Tata.


P.S. I can't wait to move in to my new house!!!

8:40 PM;

{Friday, October 21, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

MISTER gurly: Watch out. This is going to be a long and boring entry. Muahahahahha.

Oi! Says who? Hehe. Okayz, those people out there, who don't like to read long and more long entries, kindly press the red 'X' button right now. Hehe. Although you will regret it. Muahaha.

Today was the most important day of my life. I was getting my new house key!
MISTER gurly: YIKES! So important!!
Lol, yeah it was important. The whole family was like so anxious, sitting down, waiting for the priest to come and all. Dunno why the priest had to come, but I reckoned he wanted to bless the house and do some rituals or something. He was like so important, but then I must remember, important people always end up coming late. HELLO, he was like late for 1 hour, made us wait outside the house, sweating profusely due to the humidity. BLEH.

He came. The priest chanted some words and asked my parents to place the key into the keyhole. But not to open the door before they followed him, chanting words. -_-;;;
Finally, the door opened. Wooo. It was so chilling. The air-con was on??
Wow! Followed after that. Oh my god!! Came next.
Hehe, I tell you, the house was empty, but we still commented how nice it was.
But the truth is, it's really nice!!! (however, it's quite ahem, small)
The priest told us to walk around the whole house...
Something like a ritual. After that, he told us where to put what and even decided our room colours. I was like, huh???
I wanted my room to be PINK. I dunno what colour he chose for me, I hope it's not a hideous one. Haha.

More description on MY room.
WOW! Was what I could say.
The view was nice, NICER than my brother's room. Bleh.
And my room is BIGGER than my brother's room. Haha!
The wardrobe is big, I could stand inside the closet and play hide-and-seek with my brother. -_-
It's so cool man. I can't wait to move in!!

But my parents' room was the best. Walk-in wardrobe, sunken bath, personal toilet, perfect view of the whole condo, the biggest bedroom! *envy*

Overall, I love my soon-to-be new house. I can't describe it further, coz' you need to look at it, and words can't describe everything.

Let me express my opinions on my soon-to-be new house instead. It was nice, nice and more nice! Air-conditioners installed in every room! Glassy windows! Cool flooring! And more...
I really had second thoughts about my current house, which looked like it needed some renovation. I won't regret moving house, and I won't think about my old house.
Except its size. I will miss the bigness of my current house. Haha, other than that, I won't.
Bleh. Although I had lived here for 14 years...maybe I will. Hmm...

Well anyway, I was so happy today. I got to skip school. Not really, just 15 mins earlier I went out of school. Yeah baby! I can't believe what happened today. I'm really excited about moving house! Because never in my life have I moved house before! Woohoo!
And my father still made me so excited, he said we can go swimming tomorrow!!!

To those people reading out there, do not get so excited as to ask me to invite you to my new house immediately, for example, today. There's nothing for you to see. =D
Be patient, I shall conjure up a housewarming party list and invite you all when my house is ready. =)


7:40 PM;

{Thursday, October 20, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Muahahahahaha. I've gotten what I've wanted. I've gotten MISTER gurly.

YEAH, BABY! My sweetheart, MISTER gurly.

My sixth sense is right this time. All thanks to GARY, XIAO QIAN, AMELIN, FIONA, DAPHNE, JIE LING and KE HUA. They bought it for me. Muahahahhaha. I'm so spoilt. I LOVE them all!

Thank you Gary, especially. He contributed the most to my soft toy. THANK YOU!!!

I will surely buy something for your birthday, I will! Bleh. Don't dare to reject ok!

Anyway, I'm so touched. Touched by my dars' love. Sniff sniff...thank you all of you for contributing to the expensive soft toy! THANK YOU!!! Muacks!

I will never forget all of you, my honey darlings sweetie cutie pies! Friends always!
Sadly, the year end is approaching. But I don't wanna be separated with my dars and my fellow classmates! Nada, a year passes by so fast!!! I never had enough fun with my dars and my fellow classmates! I never treasured what I had in the past, and I'm regretting it now.
Boo. I suck.

I SUCK!! Okay, MISTER gurly is looking at me now. He doesn't allow me to scold myself. Haha.

I had a good time laughing at the class photo. Especially the informal ones. So funny! Muahahahaha! I could see a funny side of everyone in the informal shots. Can reflect our own personalities! Muahahaha! I will miss everyone you know...sob sob. Especially...
Sigh, nevermind.
Haha. Especially Mr Lew. LOL!!!

After school, I went to Xiao Qian's house to watch Shutter, a horror movie with Ke Hua and Amelin. Boy, was Amelin freaked out. She kept on wanting to hug MISTER gurly to give her a sense of security and protection while watching the gruesome and terrifying parts of the movie. But Xiao Qian was not so scaredy-cat. Haha. But she kind of screamed when the ghost suddenly popped out of the television. However, Ke Hua and I were as cool as cucumbers.
You know why,
Coz' we watched it already mah!
Haha!!! Evil!!

I'm so happy today, somebody sing me the elmo theme song! (Although I never heard it before)
Lalala...elmo's world...

Lurving all 2A peeps...muacks!! Was so touched to see the whole photo 'album' littered with delicious-looking scrawls! =))


8:22 PM;

{Wednesday, October 19, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Yeah, you know. Exams are over. The fun is in.

Amelin and I bought the horoscope book from the Popular bookstore yesterday. We had a fun time discussing about our horoscopes and Amelin translating the difficult chinese words for me, while sitting in the perfectly air-conditioned Times bookstore on the floor. Luckily the floor was not dirty. Okay, okay. You're giving me the look now. So back to the horoscopes. They were indeed accurate. They were accurate until they made me kind of freak out when reading them. But some parts are not that true...so it's really up to you, whether you believe it or not. In my case, I'm a total horoscope freak. I believe in horoscopes, just like I do believe in fairies. I hope you do too. =)

School was as boring as usual. Even after the exams. The whole class was back into cliques, playing their own physical games and having our own 'fun'. It was really boring, no real game to play with and we don't interact much. Sigh, BORING.

Oh yeah by the way, I was way bored, way bored until High-pitched Butt asked me to do something 'interesting'. I shall not spell out his real name nor say why that person has that weird nickname, to protect him from being hunted down by people who happen to see this blog. Haha. He's such a nice guy. He actually told me to CRY in front of him right then. Since then I was acting out one romantic, sad part from Stairway To Heaven korean tear-jerker show to Amelin, then he said I can act, so he wanna me cry in front of him right then. Haha. I tried to, but in the end, all I could do was to get my eyes misty only. LOL. I needed practice.

After school, I went to Daphne's house. She wanted us to go there to watch Herbie: Fully Loaded, but instead, we got drawn to her computer and her weird kukumalu physical game and her cutie-lovable-beautiful-loyal-kind-caring-playful-hyper-keep-on-wanting-to-kiss-me doggie, Nikki. I just love her dog. She's just so cute, and so passionate. Always wanting to kiss me, especially on the lips, that cheeky doggie. Oh my god, she's just so CUTE. Like Daphne lor. Haha. Anyway, we had real fun in Daphne's house. Chased her doggie everywhere in the house, until she sank down on the floor, exhausted. Heh, that's how we played with her. To that extent. Haha. Amelin was so scared of the dog that she kept on squealing and screaming. But, I understand. She doesn't like furry animals, like I dislike and loathe creatures with six legs, aka insects.

I don't wish to write all the lyrics for the kukumalu cheer/rap here, coz' I think you all would be dying from too much laughter. Clutching your stomachs in excessive laughter until they hurt. I don't want you all to end up until like that. Haha.


Stairway to Heaven was TOUCHING. Sob sob...sob sob. Why must the girl get cancer of the eye? Why? When EXACTLY the two lovebirds were finally reunited after a vicious bitch tried to break them up by knocking the girl down, getting her into a coma, and separating her from her childhood sweetheart. That was such a devious thing to do. However, fate brought them back together. After 5 years. The guy waited for the girl for five years! Sob sob...unfortunately, the girl could not recognize the guy as she had amnesia, after the car accident. However, fate worked again and the girl could recall her memory. But just when she had recovered and the two lovebirds were together again, the girl had cancer of the eye. It was incurable. She had limited days to live. Sob sob...the girl wanted to touch the guy's face, to remember the structure of the face, so whenever she closes her eyes, she will remember the guy's face forever. That was the part when I acted it out to Amelin. It was SO touching. Sob sob.


I chose you
Of all the thorns in roses
A unique you
Brightened me up with a warm embrace
I love you
But it was all too late
A sharp tang of regret
The sadness ebbs in
Followed by eternal misery
A blindfolded fool
How could I not treasure you?
A dejected fellow
Drowned in the sorrowful music
No melancholy tune
Would be able to make up
The sorrows
Laid deep within.

8:07 PM;

{Tuesday, October 18, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Okay...OKAY. Let's not talk and discuss about our results. Okay, I promise, I won't whisper a single shit about the word "paper". I promise, I will talk about something else.

I promise!!! Believe me!!! Here goes.

I'm so excited today. Because I will eventually get the ultra cute doggie soft toy I saw in Hugs & Kisses! I just have the sixth sense, and I know I will get it. It's just a matter of time before I get reunited with that darling soft toy, it got me attracted to it like a strong bar of magnet. I will treasure it and love it with all my heart as it will be my first soft toy I ever get in my whole life. (besides people who gave me all those crappy soft toys that are not nice to cuddle and hug with for my 1-year-old birthday) I will kiss it goodnight and embrace it while I get my beauty sleep. I will hug it whenever I feel down, and I will share my sorrows with it whenever I feel depressed. I need a partner, and that soft toy shall be.

LOL! Okay, the above was total crap. But that was how much I wanted that soft toy. I want it!!! I must whine and sob and cry and protest for that soft toy! Just like what I did when I was younger. 3 years old, I was a perfect spoilt brat. I whined and groaned and cried and wailed and stomped around the whole house until I got what I wanted. Then I would grin at my parents and wave the whatever-thing-I've-gotten in the air and smile at them sweetly. I totally resembled one character in a poem book, I think it was the girl with the curl in the hair...when she is angry, she's a devil. When she is happy, she's an angel. Haha. Childhood memories...

So I'm going to get that soft toy. Because it's still there, sitting happily on the shelf, patiently waiting for my arrival with a fat wallet in my hand. And it's the only one left.

Pray hard I will get it.


I see the number of huggies increasing as the days go by. I really wanna know who kept on giving me hugs. I must thank that person, as he or she really brightened up my day! I want it to hit 999! That's my target and I know it will happen!!! Cheers!! =D

Goodness, I have changed this previously-thought-to-be-melancholy entry to a hyper-happy-go-lucky entry.

Have I brightened up your day? =DD

9:36 PM;

{Monday, October 17, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Today was a super duper FUN day. My dars and I went to Plaza Singapura to watch Corpse Bride. It was the first time I ever travelled so far on purpose with my dars to watch a movie. The cinema was damn cool, I think I am sick of Tampines Mall's cinema. I must continue to go to these places with my dars...like my DNT teacher said, we only know how to shop at Tampines Mall and Century Square. Which was so true. Haha. Outside the cinema was even cooler. It had a giant poster advertisement of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! The trio was even in 3d form! I practically hyperventilated on that spot. Harry! Ron! Cedric! (Hey, where's Draco??) Wheee, I love them all!

So, back to the movie.
Sniff sniff, the movie was very touching at the end, but overall, it was oh my goodnessingly funny! It was so hilarious that Amelin and I kept on laughing like maniacs inside the cinema...thank goodness, everyone who was watching it also laughed like mad people, so our dangerously loud laughters were drowned together with the rest of the people. One part of the Corpse Bride was so funny that I gaffawed loudly. I mean, real loud. I think one dude sitting in front of me stared at me, but I was not so sure, coz' the cinemas was dark. Oh my god, that part was darn funny. One skeleton was so shocked that the sinister guy killed the corpse bride that his bony jaw just dropped. Literally. Just picture that, and I guarantee you will laugh like a maniac!!!


I'm still laughing, I tell you. Even after the show. Amelin made me laugh ever harder. I think her laughter can match up to Jie Ling's famous contagious laughter...hahaha! Laugh it out, Amelin, if you ever read this!

I think today was a laughing day. Amelin went crazy and kept on laughing at every small thing. She kept laughing at Ke Hua especially. Dunno why, but his every tiny actions made her laugh like dunno what. You should see her! So I went along with her, laughing like hyenas. Fiona and Jie Ling also got Amelin's disease, so it spread on and on the whole day. But Gary wasn't affected by it. He just stared at us like something was really wrong. Hahaha!

Tata for now...

Getting results back tomorrow!!! Argh! I hate it!!!

Why can't good things last longer??


8:13 PM;

{Sunday, October 16, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

I'm totally going ga-ga over the potter mania, which is going to come soon, swooping you down like a massive huge tornado. The Harry Potter 4th movie is going to be in cinemas in November 18, and I'm definitely going to be one of those few people to watch the movie first. Bleh.

I don't care, I must be the first few to watch it. I MUST.

I can't wait for the movie to be launched soon, because there are many new characters added to the movie. New bloods, they call it. There will be this girl called Cho Chang, who's Harry's first love. I totally envy the girl who get the role of Cho Chang, though she didn't have any acting backgrounds. There must be something about her that makes the director choose her. :P

She looks quite pretty actually. Then there is this guy, Cedric Diggory, who will be Cho Chang's boyfriend. I tell you, after I saw the Harry Potter movie trailer, I was totally going ga-ga over Cedric. He's so hot, I tell you. Maybe even hotter than the rest of the Harry Potter characters! He's the latest additions to my list of Harry Potter heartthrobs!!! XD

Oh my god, I am going to faint from typing soon.

Tata for now!



2:09 PM;

{Friday, October 14, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

A piece of great news. End of year exams have officially ended.
I have endured 24 x 7 hours of stress! I have endured countless sleepless nights! I have shed a pool of bloody tears! My eyes have gone puffy and red because of the killer exams! I hate exams! Especially END-OF-YEAR exams! Aaahh!!!

Anyway, what's done has been done. And we can't do a single shit about it. Except cry over split milk, which I have prevented from doing so. To prevent SOMEBODY for calling me a crybaby.
Someone, whose butt is high-pitched. Haha. But I still like that person. Because he's so funny that he can brighten up my day. =)


The bad thing about it is,

I HAVE TO SHOP LIKE HELL! Which means, a lot of $$$ will fly away. Gone like the wind.
My friends said that I can spend money like a running water tap. Which is so darn true. I can't control it, too bad. (So beware of me, I can squeeze your money dry in a matter of seconds.)


Haha, I don't care. Coz' I mug like hell, and shop like hell. That's fair enough.

My to-do list to relieve stress

  1. Shop like hell. That includes buying things like doggie cuddly wuddly biggie soft toys, not those tiny ones. And also buying accessories, like keychains, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, hair bands, bags, sling bags, wallet, and decorative items especially. The most important: clothes!!! Must buy!
  2. Go out with friends and have fun. Places like movies, Tampines Mall, if possible faraway places like Bugis, Orchard Road and etc. The most important thing is to have fun!!!
  3. Hog my computer. That includes HTML shopping, downloading songs, updating this bloggie and my friendster profile and many more!!! Oh yeah, and Sims 2!!
  4. Buy decorative items and choose furniture for my future home. :)
  5. Be happy, stay funky!

Cool. That was totally cool. But I dunno whether I can fulfil all those. Seems quite impossible to me, after all, my mom is a strict strict, and always strict mother. She doesn't allow me to buy useless things like accessories and soft toys, and the reason is that I do have an expensive taste. Really! Like for today, after school, after the final art paper, my dars and I went to Tampines Mall to window shop and to talk and chat and have fun. I wanted to buy a soft toy, and guess what? I set my eyes on one particular soft toy in Hugs & Kisses, and it bloody cost a bomb. Sigh, I really dunno why I am so attracted to that piece of white elephant in Hugs & Kisses. And you know what, before we went to that shop, we patrolled around the whole of Tampines Mall and Century Square to look at Mini Toons, Toys R US, and many more soft toy shops, but none of the soft toys inside look nice to me. Until we went to the Hugs & Kisses shop. -_-

Forty dollars! Sure it was nice, but the price was just not nice. =) I really want that doggie soft toy! So nice to hug with! Sigh...if only someone could buy it for me...if only...

IF ONLY!!! Fat hope, coz' my mother said that soft toy was UGLY! What, ugly?? My taste is not BAD okay...I think she cock-eyed or something, coz' she even said that it looked more like a monkey than a dog! What, a monkey? For goodness sake, I won't buy a monkey. =D



7:17 PM;

{Wednesday, October 05, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

I died. That's right. The soul that has been trapped inside me for fourteen years has failed to survive.

Oh my god, whatever happened to me??

Why could I not understand that I was born a mentally retard?

Sigh, that certainly explains why I was practically grieving over the english papers.

Yeah right, my sixth sense, I thought the papers were going to be okay...until I saw Paper 2.

I died right on the spot.

What the hell? The passage did not make any sense, especially the second one. Summary of the passage was a blur ; I was practically fainting and my nails turned white.

On top of all this crap, I am very afraid.

Very afraid that I might...


wtf. Why? Because, I had scored a pathetic 29/50 for the 3rd term's english paper when everyone has scored 30 and above.

The saddest thing to say is that...

I took SIX hours to revise English.

And thought that it was going to be alright.

And what happened in the end?

Sigh, luck is certainly not on my side.

If God is ever going to read this, he shall be sorry. Coz' it ain't fair when a person mugs like hell, and ends up getting worse results than people who don't. That's just NOT fair.

So those people who score better results than me, please do not show it in my face.

The last thing you could ever, ever, attempt to do is to whine and sulk and say that your results are pathetic when you yourself know purely that your results are much better than mine.

Beware, my barks are worse than my bites.


I don't care. I must strive on, despite this major put-down. I must continue the marathon of mugging. I must face the challenge and outbeat the rest. I must revive.

By the way, what the freaking hell.

I have a sudden craving for cuddly wuddly doggie softie toys. Ahem, don't ask me about my age. Maybe I do have an inner child of 3. I really, seriously, truly want to have a collection of lovely, cutie pies as decorative pieces of white elephant. No no, I'd prefer them to be hugged in my icy cold embrace. How evil I am. Hmm...currently thinking of buying them at the Hugs & Kisses shop, or at the Mini Toons shop.

Oh well, how tooty I am. Maybe I'm making up for lost childhood time ; I had wasted it by pestering my mother to buy me Barbies instead.

I want my doggies!


Umm, this is crazy. I didn't expect myself to write this either. Maybe I'm really suffering from depression. =) Cheers. Or maybe I really really wanna have them coz' I'm a spoilt brat.

Hmm...maybe both of the above.

6:42 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


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