heart on wings

{Thursday, September 29, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Forgive me for this gloomy, sadistic entry. Nobody's life is perfect, so do not blame me for making you feel negative after reading this. Please, I need to vent out all my sadness that's overwhelming me. But before I do that, for those cheery filled-with-happiness people who are reading this now, I suggest that you better think twice before reading this.

So you chose to read this. Be prepared for the worst.

You see, my life isn't always perfect. There are lots of ups and downs. At times, I may be hyper and cheerful and full of life, but sometimes, I can also be pessimistic and depressed.

There are many reasons as to why I can be pessimistic and depressed when you often see me in a cheerful and happy mood.

Reason #1: I may be stressed out because major exams are coming.

Reason #2: Because I saw some things I wasn't supposed to see, or to know.

Reason #3: I fell out with my friends.

Reason #4: People snapping at me.

Reason #5: Family problems.

Reason #6: When I do not know how to do my homework.

Reason #7: When I do badly for any tests/exams.

Reason #8: Friends saying things that will piss me off.

Reason #9: Surrounding people irritating me.

Reason #10: Or, just having PMS.

Whatever reasons I have is valid. So don't blame me when I have a bad day and fall out with everybody.

Suddenly, all of the above reasons seem to apply to me now. That's why I'm feeling doown.
Show me some care and concern if you can.

Sadistic Poem to end the day

Showering under the downpours of the rain
Gazing through the hazy window, I can see myself ahead
Looking up the innocent sky
Dotted with sinister-looking glints
I walked ahead, following the trail of vision
Slow and hesitant footsteps
Were the last my ears heard
The next came, and heaven awaited
A bang and a crash
Were a heavenly ringing in my ears
Unfamiliar red liquid flowed out of me
My eyes were a blurred mystery
Then, it gained vision
And there he was
Endearing and lovely
Drifting off to the familiar demeanour
There I was
In God's beautiful embrace.

Rest in Peace

Stiffly lain in her intricate jewel box
What was left of her
Precious memories lay deep within
The withered, old remains
The fragile and decomposed bones
Tell her story in an unhappy tone
She has shed endless tears
That has drowned her
She has endured all pains
It brought unforgettable tortures to her brain
She wanted to end it all
But was afraid
She didn't want to leave
Without seeing him
In the end
After a long, awaited dilemma
After thinking of all the odds
After thinking that nobody loves her anymore
She chose the path of death.


Skies are dark it's time for rain
Final call, get board the train
Heading for tomorrow
I wave goodbye and ask the days
Wipe the tears you had to face
Blinded by the sorrow
How can I be smiling like before
When baby you don't love me anymore...
Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you changed your mind now
That I'm only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so...

6:15 PM;

{Tuesday, September 27, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

When I keep on thinking about my dnt project artefact, I get FURIOUS. Steam starts to come out from the stressed brain of mine, and hatred comes next. ARGH! Why the hell did I ask HONG ZUO to help me with my artefact??

"Aiya, come, i'm a pro at chlorofoaming."

It tempted me, so I asked him to do it for me.

And what happened next??

Bloody hell.

Whole artefact dead.

The piece that I asked him to chlorofoam for me was SLANTED. Great job, suzie. GREAT job.

Self-acclaimed pro.

Now my mom has to scold me because of this.

You. You know how much time I wasted just to do this stupid DNT project? And yet I trusted you to do this important task for me. And YET, u self-acclaimed pro, failed to do it. C'mon, where's your accuracy? I thought you were a good basketball/volleyball/captain's ball player. So I thought you would do this simple task for me, since you said that you have become a pro at it coz' you've tried it on your artefact.

Yeah lah, your artefact spoil lah, I suspect you also wanna make my one spoil huh?

Thank you loh, you self-acclaimed pro.

Thank you very much.

And if I lose a few marks because of this, I'll make sure you pay for it.

Really, I'm very pissed off now. I don't wanna lose marks because of this!

Okay, okay. This may sound harsh to people. I'm not trying to be bitchy or anything, but really, on second thoughts, maybe it was my fault that I had asked the mid-year 1st boy boy to do it for me. Great decision I had, from my blasted mind.


Someone save me from the troubled waters of the black ocean, please. I'm practically drowning.

Actually, all the above I have said was true, but to a certain extent that I had exaggerated it a bit and had pointed all fingers at him. Okay, it was my fault. Dunno lah, totally confused in whatever I'm saying.



9:55 PM;

{Thursday, September 22, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Yeah baby, the final end year exams are just round the corner! Hi five! I love books! Woohoo!

That was lame. What I am currently feeling right now is just the damn opposite. I hate it. Literally. Who loves studying and mugging for exams, especially the end of year exams?? Since pri school till now, I've always hated studying for end of year exams. Because I don't think anyone can study for it, without any past weeks preparations for the exam. No one will do well, if they cram all the information at the last minute. They will practically suffer and die from head explosion, which I have tried for the previous common test. And the end results? Bleh.

Anyway, I think I'm currently suffering from major depression because of this. Yeah, because of the crappy fact that the end of year exams are coming.
I'm suffering, 'cher, can't you see...
And you expect us to MEMORIZE everything from chapter 1???
I just feel like saying all those words that I have mentioned above to a teacher ever since pri 1, just to let him/her know how we are feeling right now. Totally stressed out. Dead.
And I bet the teacher will just shake his/her head and gently say,
My dear. Do not fret over it. For you have been studying the entire book since day 1.
And that will leave me speechless. End of story.
Sigh, I just do not get it. Why are we so stressed in this country, especially in Singapore??
All of us are practically nerds. Or we will turn into one someday, eventually. Haha.

Nevermind the above. I will just vent out all my depressions out by forcing myself to think of the optimistic side and be happy!

Yeah baby!



I'm lovin' it.

P.S. Make me stay happy by teaching me maths, with me knowing every single titty bit of information you pour out to me. please.

P.S. Wish me luck for the exams. =D

7:48 PM;

{Sunday, September 18, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

First of all, I must apologize for not blogging so often...


School has started, of course, after 1 week of september holidays. Bad news...bad news.
End of year examinations is just round the corner.

I feel that studies is much more important than this, what with the final year examinations coming and all. I'm getting so lot depressed lately, partly because of my academic results and my family thingy and all. I'm so depressed... couldn't someone just lend a shoulder for me to cry on? I'm sick of pretending that I'm happy and cheerful and all, and deep down, deep inside my shattered bloody heart, I'm tolerating all the pains I can't erase. Yet no one notices this and still, everyday, I tolerate people, people whom I hate and discriminate against, those few... they critisize me, they whisper bad shitty things about me, why can't they just disappear from my world? They add to the pains and frustrations I'm feeling deep down inside. Then comes the bloody heartbreaking pain I must tolerate. My family background. I can't tell you much on this, it's too personal. Next comes the academic results. Although I improved since the last common test, it didn't meet to my expectations.

And the list goes on...

The list of heartbreaking events I must tolerate.

I'm so afraid that one day I can't tolerate all this anymore and next day, the news headlines say...

"Teenage girl bled to death in her house"

I hope that it won't happen.


I appreciate all those people who love me. Maybe they are the ones who will keep me going. Lurve you loads!

Poem for mooncake festival

Chang-e: Alone I pine
It's been eternity since I last seen him
Alone I weep
The breathless atmosphere accompanies me
Insane tears of joy
Broken shadows of laughter
Shattered illusions of dreams
All pieced up together
To form a torn, shattered me.

I know it sucks. Just don't say it in front of me.
Last-minute inspiration. 1-minute work.
What more can you ask for?

3:59 PM;

{Saturday, September 10, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Indeed a week has passed by like a strong gust of wind...and finally...FINALLY...
they have returned.
Boo, my dars! Made me miserable for the last seven days...bored me to death you know? Now you all have to repay me with your endless, unconditional love for me...haha. Missed you all like hell, you know! Luckily, my bday has made me not so miserable...but only for a day or so!

Anyway, since you all have returned, I'm so happy! I miss ya all!! Too bad you all got sick! Is it because in china, you all have missed me until you all got sick? I hope not! Coz' I didn't expect you all to miss me till that extent! Haha...I can't wait to see you all on Monday!


P.S. I'm still a bday princess. BLEH. :P

The number of people wishing me happy birthday has yet increased...

19th: Amelin
20th: Xiao Qian

Yeah baby...

2:07 PM;

{Friday, September 09, 2005}

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to MEEEEEE!!!

Now make a few wishes...
and blow the candles.
Whoosh! A new year has started for me!

To make a few lists of peeps who wished me happy birthday on the actual day...

6th: Jun Hao
7th: Ke Hua (again)
8th: Ting Ting
9th: Cedric (primary school friend)
10th: 4th Uncle
11th: Gary
12th: Charmaine
13th: Leonard
14th: Xiao Ling
15th: Fiona (again)
16th: Bday alarm
17th: Astrologers' team
18th: Friendster

Hmm...that looks like a looong list...did I miss out anybody? If so, please tell me!!! God I feel so blessed to know that so many peeps actually remembered my bday! Of course, it's so easy to remember! 9/9! haha... just remember double 9... woots! I love my birthdate!

Oh well, I'm dead tired for now...can't blog much...:(

Let's just say the summary for today eh?

Summary: My whole family (including my father) went out to watch the Maid. Pretty ironic, but whatever. It was so...scary! NOT. Haha, trust me. After that, my brother and I went to the arcade and played on a machine. Pretty cool, we were on a submarine shooting sharks and evil sea creatures...haha! Papa and mummy went to buy swensen's ice cream cake for me and then Papa and my brother went home, coz' they did not want to shop. Typical guys...lol! Hehe, my mummy and I went shopping in Century Square...boy, the mall was hot! It was a ladies' night thingy and the "Who wants to be a millionaire" was hosting it! Too much of a coincidence that I was starting to suspect whether they were holding it for ME. Lol, so "bhb" as some peeps would say...but I don't care! Bleh... So my momma and I went to shop...tee hee. Bought ipod mini, but now I don't even know how to use it...:( sobb...can someone teach me?? Preety please? Lol!

night night for now... blahs.


11:51 PM;

Dear Diar2,

Hey everyone: I have changed my bloggie's url... as said earlier this month...

Oh my god...today I am officially one year older! Expect a totally new me (as scientists have said and expected) with a totally new aspect towards life... now I have realised that I should live life meaningfully and most importantly, live life to the fullest! The happiest thing is to be able to live on this Earth surrounded by caring and loving peeps! Okayz, I really do sound a lot more mature now...haha...but I shall miss the childish and 'innocent' me! LOL! Enough crapping...

For now, five people have wished me happy birthday...

And they are...
1st: Xiang Ai (primary school friend)
2nd: Fiona
3rd: Jon
4th: Ke Hua
5th: Wendy

I lurve you all peeps! Muacks!
Look at the number of peeps and they have wished me on the eve of my birthday...god knows how many more wishes I'm going to get tomorrow...haha...I feel so much like a princess! Well, I am one! Haha, a spoilt one! BLEH!

I wish... I wish... actually, all my wishes are stated at the 'desires' ... gotta cancel out some of them! *wink*

I'm still waiting for my ipod mini and for tomorrow, I dunno how am I going to live my day! I shall make it as fun as possible with my family, and my friends, I hope! Amelin and Xiao Qian will be coming back from China at 12 midnight tomorrow! I just can't wait for their return! And Amelin was planning to celebrate my birthday on Saturday...I hope she keeps her promise!

Oh yeah, what about my birthday prezzies? *wink wink*

Well, look at the time now, it's past midnight...I gotta replenish my energy needed for tomorrow's big day! Night night!


P.S. For now and tomorrow, I feel like the world's loving me with their hearts. And everyone is practically worshipping me...LOL...

12:25 AM;

{Tuesday, September 06, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

Ha. Nobody even cared to read my blog...oh watever! Like the reason for writing this blog is to let people read it...bleh.

Haha...I'm so happy!

But why? Coz' an innocent baby actually smiled at me! SMILED AT ME! Omg, and I didn't even know the baby... so here goes the story:

I came out of the hairdresser's shop and I was following my mom to a nearby shop that was selling daily stuffs. I was real bored and decided to walk around the shop outside, and I came across this little pram unattended. I peeked into it and boy! Was the baby cute! The first impression was: OMG, did i look as round as this baby? His face resembled an egg! :) ( I think it's a he, coz' I can't seem to find any traces of girlyness from the baby face...:D) I smiled at him* and said "Hello" in an extreme babyish girlyness manner, which was very unlike me. I thought his reaction would be to freak out and bawl his eyes out, but instead he studied my face and his hands were waving excitedly in the air. I said "Hello" again and he grinned at me in a cheeky manner. OMG, my heart totally melted when I saw his face breaking into a toothless, cheeky grin with his little pinky tongue poking out of his tiny mouth. I guess he was extremely bored as his mother I assume, was shopping inside the provision shop and left the poor little fellow unattended...and then the next moment he saw the angelic face of a soon-to-be-14 gal smiling sunnily down at him, he knew the angel was going to free him from his boredom...lol...

Anywayz, if anyone is reading this, kindly give me more huggies to show that you really really need to know about the crazy sim life that I have created from the Sims 2 PC game! LOL!

P.S. Smiles and laughter guaranteed after reading the extreme long story!


7:28 PM;

{Sunday, September 04, 2005}

Dear Diar2,

You might be wondering how I pass my time during the holidays...and the answer shall be...
playing sims 2
hogging the computer until it explodes! (lol, just kidding)
going out with friends and so much more!

interesting huh? *winks*
But the more exciting part of this entry shall be...

The Survivors Family
This family has been created for quite some time now, ever since I've laid my hands onto the hottest selling PC game, The Sims 2! I tell you, if you don't buy it, you shall regret it! Now I'm currently waiting to purchase the newest sequel, The Sims 2 University...might buy it for the end year holidays...=D

WARNING: Continue reading if you're really really interested in my crazy family life...not that I've created those simmy characters based on real peeps...=P (uh oh, i remembered i have...only those families are not as interesting as this family...hehe)

This family is the weirdest I have created. Remember the TV show, Survivor? Getting the idea from the show, I created 6 different random people of all races and I placed them into a tiny simmy house, which looked like a real shack. Next, I challenged those peeps by making them rough it out in the shack by living together like a pack of sardines and making them participate in my invented games. For example, whoever stays in the pool the longest shall be the winner and so on...(for those people who play the sims 2, you should know what i mean...) coz' if a sim stays in the pool for a very long time, he or she will be deprived of starvation, etc. In the end, he or she may just die...muahahah...(okayz, back to the topic) So whoever can hold out in the end after those torturous activities shall be the winner...however my brother suggested having 2 winners instead of 1 so that they both can live together in their grand prize: a mansion heavily decorated with furniture...

Guess who are the 2 winners? Fiona and Claire! LOL! They're both female! awesome... (i was thinking: Eh, brother...both female winners...so i presume them being lesbians?)


pause** wait, this post is gonna be very long...so if anyone wanna continue to read the amazing simmy life created by the heavenly me (which will feature the 2 lesbians living together and whatever happened to their lives) , i hope you all peeps can show your great enthusisam by giving me more huggies!! LOL! (by doing this, i will be able to know whether people do actually care to read this...so i won't waste my time on the keyboard...=P)

target: 999 huggies ... =P


9:55 PM;

{Thursday, September 01, 2005}

china trip
Aww man...my darling friends have gone to china...for approximately 24hrs x 7 = 168 hrs ! Gonna miss them like never before...
as the saying goes, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder "
so treasure your loved ones before they are really gone...
Dunno what to do without them during the september holidays...
I can only wait for their return on 9 sep....
oh wait...the date seems familiar...
IT'S GONNA BE MY BDAY! Haha...royalty begins that day...gonna be crowned...LOL...
by the way, I'm gonna change my blog's url and blogskin on that day...as it significants the birth of a new me...(scientists have declared a new you every 7 years)...can't wait for their return as my dars wanted to celebrate my bday with me! Woohoo...I shall conjure up a bday wishlist to keep me busy over the september holidays...


for now, i'm gonna mug like never before...to celebrate the endings of the common test!

Last paper: DNT and CHINESE. Perfect combo.

BLEH!! >-<

wish me luck okayz...


12:59 PM;

be with myself


cappucino on a rainy day,
snuggles in the warmth of blankets,
hot food in the arms of hunger,
huge umbrella of a stranger,
embraces in the rain,
smiles amidst frowns,
triumphs and singing of the heart

in center


Raindrops like candlewax
Drowning in a
Solid sculpture, you Burning and cold.


Baking skills
Yoga/Electone lessons


*HUGS* TOTAL! *HUGGIES* snuggles & cuddles


amelin =)
fiona =)
ke*hua =)
edwin =)
sim*yee =)
yi*chen =)
anna =)
♥ trains


mist swirl memories

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Images: Foto decadent, deviantart.
Since 31st March'06
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